It’s minefield when it comes to dating out there. As I said in my last entry I was having difficulties with an individual who seems to think that I owe him a date and is expressing unhealthy anger at him for not going out with him.
I have actually been scared of this person a couple of times and thought I would do some more research on the signs of both of the main types of unhealthy anger – passive and aggressive anger.
Aggressive anger is the easiest type of anger for others to identify and it is usually expressed in one of the following ways.
· Being sarcastic
· Being offensive
· Not considering other people’s feelings
· Shouting
· Verbal abuse including unsolicited criticism
· Threatening gestures such as finger pointing, fist shaking
· Excessive swearing
· Wearing an attitude of defiance
· Wearing clothes that symbolize a defiant attitude
· Slamming doors
· Breaking the rules (such as the rules of the road)
· Playing loud music
· Blaming others without proof
· Destroying property
· Deliberately polluting the environment
· Preying on the weak
Passive Anger
· threatening others with physical harm
· Speaking too fast
· Driving to fast
· Reckless spending
· Showing off
· Refusing to delegate responsibility
· Being a sore loser
· Upstaging others
· Ignoring requests for help
· Cutting in line
· Shoplifting
· Planning or enacting revenge
· Unpredictable behavior
· Attacking innocent bystanders
· Inflicting harm out of the blue
· purposefully creating chaos with irrational acts and speech
· Creating confusion by being unpredictable and unreliable.
· Using alcohol and drugs to self-medicate swinging moods
Passive anger is a little trickier than aggressive anger as it is expressed in a covert way that mimics social acceptability. Here are some of the traits that identify a case of passive anger.
· Secretive behaviour
· Stockpiling resentments
· Spreading rumors that aren’t true about others
· Being sarcastic or cynical
· Giving others the silent treatment
· Muttering objections under your breath
· Avoiding eye contact
· Making anonymous complaints
· Writing poison pen letters
· Shoplifting
· Stealing
· Conning
· Manipulating such as provoking others to attack you and then acting innocent
· Being patronizing
· Talking above other people’s heads
· Provoking aggression between others and then staying in the sidelines to watch
· Emotional blackmail
· Feigning sorrow
· Pretending to be ill
· Sabotaging relationships
· Being sexually promiscuous
· Teasing others sexually
· Using a third party to convey bad news
· Withholding money or resources
· Being overly critical
· Inviting criticism on your self so you have a reason to act out passive behaviors
· Making do with second best so that you have a reason to act out passive behaviors
· Suffering but refusing help to frustrate others
· Being over familiar with others
· Setting yourself and others up for failure
· Purposefully choosing unreliable people to depend on
· Withdrawing sexual favors
· Underachieving on purpose
· Expressing anger at small petty things but ignoring the true causes to be angry
· Acting phony
· Refusing to take a position (sitting on the fence) and letting others work it out
· Objectifying other people
· Making hobbies or bad habits a priority
· Obsessing over cleanlinesses
· Being perfectionist
· Being evasive
· Refusing to help others in a crisis
Needless to say if you are dealing with anyone acting in the above days he or she would not be a good person to go out with.