I met an older man in the Starbucks the other day and he turned out to be a friend of a friend so I thought I would go out with him. I thought he was kind of neat as he was from Canada and was supposed to be some kind of documentary filmmaker. Also he was in town to do some film business and only here for a couple days.
He picked me up in his little rented car as I had agreed to let him take me to the movies. I wasn’t that surprised when he drove me downtown to an “alternative” theater but I was really surprised to determine that the movie we were seeing was some European soft-core porn with subtitles. Remember that film “Rochelle, Rochelle” from the Seinfeld episodes? It was like that.
I had to sit through eighty minutes of the worst moaning and groaning and pumping while this person watched this film with a smug look on his face. He never looked at me once. It was really embarrassed. He didn’t seem to care that I might be embraced. In fact I think he was enjoying my discomfort.
After the movie was over he didn’t say much but insisted that we go for dinner. He takes to me this pristine bar that serves tapes the size of your fingernail and huge designer martinis. After ordering for me, he kept trying to talk to me about the sex lives of people we knew and in particular the people that set his up. He then admitted to having an affair with one of my best male friend’s wife.
I was just listening to him prattle on and kept wondering if he was a sex addict while he kept ordering me martini after martini. He sure liked to talk about sex scenes I films. I know I shouldn’t have kept drinking but they were good appletinis. He kept trying to toast things to get me to drink more. It was really awful.
When the food finally came it was this awful Spanish stuff and the spicy martinis did not mix well the appletinis. I finally told him I really wasn’t feeling well and had to leave. As we were leaving the restaurant I felt the need to vomit! I had no control. Thankfully I was able to sort of hide behind the restaurant dumpster and spew my guts out.
After I was done throwing up I was surprised to find him still waiting for me. He seemed very marry as if he had accomplished some kind of mission. As we were driving I noticed that he was not driving in the right direction. He told me that he was planning to drive me to his place. Vomiting on the floor of his car changed his mind about that!
Anyhow I don’t know what to think about this weird Canadian except maybe the documentary he was making was actually about human wildlife. I am glad he has left town!