It’s minefield when it comes to dating out there. As I said in my last entry I was having difficulties with an individual who seems to think that I owe him a date and is expressing unhealthy anger at him for not going out with him.

I have actually been scared of this person a couple of times and thought I would do some more research on the signs of both of the main types of unhealthy anger – passive and aggressive anger.

Aggressive anger is the easiest type of anger for others to identify and it is usually expressed in one of the following ways.

· Being sarcastic

· Being offensive

· Not considering other people’s feelings

· Shouting

· Verbal abuse including unsolicited criticism

· Threatening gestures such as finger pointing, fist shaking

· Excessive swearing

· Wearing an attitude of defiance

· Wearing clothes that symbolize a defiant attitude

· Slamming doors

· Breaking the rules (such as the rules of the road)

· Playing loud music

· Blaming others without proof

· Destroying property

· Deliberately polluting the environment

· Preying on the weak

Passive Anger

· threatening others with physical harm

· Speaking too fast

· Driving to fast

· Reckless spending

· Showing off

· Refusing to delegate responsibility

· Being a sore loser

· Upstaging others

· Ignoring requests for help

· Cutting in line

· Shoplifting

· Planning or enacting revenge

· Unpredictable behavior

· Attacking innocent bystanders

· Inflicting harm out of the blue

· purposefully creating chaos with irrational acts and speech

· Creating confusion by being unpredictable and unreliable.

· Using alcohol and drugs to self-medicate swinging moods

Passive anger is a little trickier than aggressive anger as it is expressed in a covert way that mimics social acceptability. Here are some of the traits that identify a case of passive anger.

· Secretive behaviour

· Stockpiling resentments

· Spreading rumors that aren’t true about others

· Being sarcastic or cynical

· Giving others the silent treatment

· Muttering objections under your breath

· Avoiding eye contact

· Making anonymous complaints

· Writing poison pen letters

· Shoplifting

· Stealing

· Conning

· Manipulating such as provoking others to attack you and then acting innocent

· Being patronizing

· Talking above other people’s heads

· Provoking aggression between others and then staying in the sidelines to watch

· Emotional blackmail

· Feigning sorrow

· Pretending to be ill

· Sabotaging relationships

· Being sexually promiscuous

· Teasing others sexually

· Using a third party to convey bad news

· Withholding money or resources

· Being overly critical

· Inviting criticism on your self so you have a reason to act out passive behaviors

· Making do with second best so that you have a reason to act out passive behaviors

· Suffering but refusing help to frustrate others

· Being over familiar with others

· Setting yourself and others up for failure

· Purposefully choosing unreliable people to depend on

· Withdrawing sexual favors

· Underachieving on purpose

· Expressing anger at small petty things but ignoring the true causes to be angry

· Acting phony

· Refusing to take a position (sitting on the fence) and letting others work it out

· Objectifying other people

· Making hobbies or bad habits a priority

· Obsessing over cleanlinesses

· Being perfectionist

· Being evasive

· Refusing to help others in a crisis

Needless to say if you are dealing with anyone acting in the above days he or she would not be a good person to go out with.