I was set up to see a play with a budding new author by some well-meaning friends. This is because I have a degree in English and my friends thank that I have trouble finding a man that I think is smart enough for me.
I had heard a lot about this guy be — how smart he was, how good looking, how he had two Ph.D.s, one in English and one in Math. He also has a column in a local paper where he writes about all the trivia in life – mostly observational humor. His biggest claim to fame is supposed to being published on the Alternet but I couldn’t find his byline there.
I also heard about how he won last year’s Marathon run for breast cancer, how he designed an award winning web site, how he owned two
Homes (one each cottage) and a cottage, and how even found time in his busy schedule to read for the blind.
Well, after hearing his sexy, well-spoken voice on the phone I agreed to meet him at the lobby of the theatre. When I first saw him I could not believe my good fortune – he was tall, blonde and handsome. He also had a body to die for. He also had this whole “charisma” thing going – like one of those vampire cowboy types. He was dressed casually but expensively and loved the fact that he was not slathered with tattoos like so many of the guys I meet here in Florida.
However, once we were seated together in the theater, I noticed this incredible body odor coming from him. Seriously he smelled worse than a skunk. And that was just his body odor. When he opened his mouth to speak, the stench was even worse. I kept thinking, “What could be caught in anyone’s teeth that could possibly smell like that?”
The stench was so unbelievable that I took out my pocket-handkerchief and kept holding it to my nose, just to breathe. I couldn’t even concentrate on what was being said in the play as his fumes were almost like tear gas. To make things worse he kept leaning over to say things to me, like witty guys do. I kept pretending to blow my nose as if I had allergies so I wouldn’t accidentally inhale his breath. I it was toxic.
Afterwards he suggested that we go out for coffee, but I insisted we sit on a patio so I could at least get a bit of air. He drove me home, and I was thinking, “this is a shame, I should like him, this is going to be a brilliant famous man. What’s a little body odor?”
However he leaned over to try and kiss me I just couldn’t take it. He pursed his lips and I just left him there with closed eyes and pursed lips, looking like a goldfish while I ran in my house and locked the door. Of course, he never called me again, which was a big relief!