Well I have decided to give and buy a dog. I love dogs but the main reason I am getting one is so I can meet more men.
Meeting more men is easy if you have a cute pooch. At least that is what my friends have told me. So far I am not sure it is working. It seems like I am meeting more women. They are more inclined to stop you and go “Oh, what a cute dog – where did you get it etc.”
The idea of course is to take the dog out to a park and then walk with it and wait for men who like pets to come up and start a conversation with you. However that got me thinking about what type of man needs to be focusing on a dog before he can muster up the powers of speech. If you meet a man because of a dog does that mean you will be spending the entire relationship focusing and talking about the dog? Will you be one of those married couples that avoids having sex and instead lies in bed and talks about the dog all night? Will the dog be the best man or best bitch at my wedding? Will the dog lie between us at night and become our Furkid like child substitute.
Yet another thing about trying to attract a man while walking a dog in a park is that one of the least sexy things you could be caught doing in the world is cleaning up dog poop. First of all there is all of the unattractive squatting you have to do and the faces you make as you pick the stuff up. Second of all there is that smell. There is nothing like being seduced to the sweet smells of digested Alpo or Performatrim. Also how sexy is carrying a pooper scooper or bits of plastic bag around.
So far all I have met is a lot of really old men. They are the type that seem more likely to stop and pet the dog on the head. Then they leer at me and ask me lots of questions about the dog in order to prevent me from meeting the men I really want to meet. The cute guys just walk on by because they can see my dance card has already been filled by all of these Bob Barker types who love dogs.
What I am hoping is that while playing fetch with the dog a man will bring the Frisbee back in his teeth instead of the dog. And he better look like Matthew Macounaghy too.
Still now that I have a dog I am thinking that he might be better for me then any old boyfriend. Not only does he have gorgeous eyes but he gives me lots of unconditional love. It is almost worth the $500 I had to spend in microchipping and vaccination shots just to make him legally mine – all mine!