Hooked and Hanging

Why oh why is it getting impossible to get what you need for the first month of classes when everyone around you is so hooked up?? I think you all know how much of a headache it can be to get on campus and have to immediately make changes to switch out of or switch into different classes. I decided a while back that if there are changes to be made, everything must be put together very carefully so that you need to make just ONE visit to the registrar, meaning just ONE long wait in line and not weeks of schedule adjustment, dropping in and out of endless lecture halls as September rolls on by.

But year after year the nightmare gets worse, and I think it has a lot to do with students (usually the freshmen of course, but there’s no limit on idiots in the student body, right? J) getting too hooked up to their iPods. The lineups are like torture sessions, and by the time you get to your turn in line, the registrar is just about on the edge of a nervous breakdown after dealing with so many attention spans dropping down to zero because of iPods, and that’s not even counting all the blackberrys and cellphones.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t ever be caught without hookups when I leave the house, like not EVER. But I always turn off my units when I get close enough to the front of the line. I mean, what good is it to create delays? But unfortunately most students don’t pay any attention to that, which is funny (but not really) because they’re only extending their own stay and ruining it for all of us too.

Like last week, I had two courses to get out of and I already had the two picked. I checked it all out online first, and the two I wanted to get into were still available. So all it was going to take was a minute or two at the registrar desk, and my fall term was more or less set. Sound easy? It sure sounded that way to me at the time. When I got into the registrar area first thing in the morning the lineup was already insane, but I expected that anyway. What I didn’t expect was the people up at the front delaying their own business with constant earphone removal and replacement, answering their ringing cells, all this on top of their clueless attitude about their class schedules. But the crazy bit about the whole thing was that I could see students closer to the front grumbling and laughing and making fun of the situation, but these were the SAME people who refused to turn off THEIR iPods when it was their turn!!

So what can I say? It’s obvious to you by now that my whole morning was shot. Forget about the polite signs asking people to be “courteous” and shut off their hookups when using a campus service. Maybe they should threaten a tear-gas attack instead, if that’s what it’s going to take to make a difference between the iPod junkies and the well-organized minority. I mean, come on, wake up, you know?

 

His Ex Lives In My Building

I started talking to this guy online recently. He sent me a picture of himself and he seemed very cute. I knew that he lived close where to I do as a lot of our online chat was about the local neighbourhood and we also frequently discussed the irony of how we never seemed to run into each other. We also had a few acquaintances in common so I thought it was safe to ask him to pick me up.

When he pulled up in his sports car I was really pleased at what I saw. He looked exactly like he did in his online picture and he was really cute. However I could not figure out why he looked so upset. Instead of coming up the laneway towards my apartment he pulled out a cell phone and was calling someone.

My phone rang. When I answered it he told me in a really embarrassed tone that he did not know how to tell me this but he wasn’t allowed to come into my building. He said his ex lived in the apartment complex and that she had a restraining order against him so I would have to come out to the car by myself. He wasn’t even allowed to come on the property.

I know. I know. I should have hung up at the words “restraining order” but I just didn’t feel like I could take one more disappointment. I go downstairs and I get into his car. He is sort of slouched down inside of it like he is hiding from her view.

We talk about where we would like to go and then he tells me he wants to get as far away from my neighborhood as possible. I agree. Then I find out that he does not know the neighborhood at all and only knows it because his ex lives in my building.

So he starts driving and we end up at a little cheap Mexican restaurant on the other side of town. Nothing at all seems that wrong except that he seems really nervous and keeps encouraging me to down Margheritas. After making the usual small talk I finally worked up the courage to ask him a little more about his ex.

That’s when he tells me that she is not really an ex and that they were not really together but they should have been. In fact he went into a very long story that included descriptions of the two times he went to jail for just sending her flowers and phoning.

I soon realized I was having dinner with a serious stalker.

Thankfully I got out of the date okay but of course now I am on edge wondering if he might stalk me too. I tried to talk to the woman I think is his ex about it but each time I see her she is with her boyfriend and I don’t want to embarrass him. Hopefully he will just take the hint and leave me alone as I am not answering his calls.

 

How Gloves Are Made

A blonde went to the dentist one day to have a tooth pulled and she was very nervous about it. The dentist noticed this and while he was putting his gloves on, he started to talk to the woman so she wouldn’t feel so nervous.

He asked, “Do you know how they make these gloves?” The woman shook her head. The doctor explained, “In a big rubber factory they have a whole lot of men and women with different hand sizes and they have to put their hands into a big huge tank of melted rubber and wait until it dries and then take it off and do it again.” The woman didn’t even blink she seemed to be too busy trying not the panic.

So he tried telling her a joke or two but once again she didn’t even smirk. So he gave up about five to ten minute later.

In the middle of getting the tooth removed she burst out laughing and he had to stop in case she’d choke. He asked, “What’s wrong?” She just laughed and said, “If that’s how they make gloves I wonder how they make condoms.”