How Men Make You Desperate For Their Attention

January 1, 2008

Ever wonder how some men seem to make us so desperate for their attention?

Here are some tips and tricks that I stole out of a man’s book on dating for taking advantage of the fact that women are hard-wired —

1. Never ask for her phone number.

Never beg for her phone number. That is one of the principles of being powerful. Make her phone you by giving you hers. Act like you just don’t care. This also makes it seem like you are already busy dating other women.

2. Never return her phone call immediately.

Wait at least three days before you return any calls. Wait until you think she is just about to give up on you and then phone. This drives her crazy with curiosity when it comes to wondering what you could possibly be doing that is more interesting than being with her.

3. Surround yourself with as many women as possible.

When you are in a social situation try to be around as many women as possible. If you are in a bar or at a party it is crucial for you to talk to as many women as possible so other women notice.

Date gurus call this multiplying women.

One of the easiest ways to do this is to go up to a group of women and engage them all in a conversation at once. Even saying something as simple as “So what are you girls up to tonight?” can start a group conversation.

Just make sure that when the girl you are really interested in is looking your way that you are always talking to another woman.

4. Be Prince Charming.

If you have a good friend who is a woman make sure you are attentive to her as if she was your girlfriend. Take her coat for her and put your hand on the small of her back. This will make the other women wish that you were available and when they discover that you actually are they will be delighted.

5. Make her aware of the competition.

If you do end up talking to a woman at the bar it is not a bad idea to give her a little sense of healthy competition. Consider flashing your wallet and make sure there is a big picture of another woman inside.

She may be so curious she may ask who she is. If she does try to look mysterious, pained or tragic. Tell her you will tell her all about it some day and that you just can’t talk about it right now. Even better imply that talking about it might steal away the precious minutes you could be spending talking to you.

Some of these dating gurus are really outrageous. He say “If you practice these tips and techniques you will be cleverly using a woman’s hard-wired instincts, which she thinks she is using to her advantage to your own!” No wonder we are so taken advantage of.

 

Dating Journal
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Lying to Yourself About Infidelity

December 3, 2007

I was thinking again today about the biggest lies that people tell themselves so that it is okay to cheat. This is coming to mind because one of my good friends who just got married three months ago is already dealing with a cheating spouse.

I guess that most people who cheat think they can stop after just cheating once. The problem is that cheating is like eating potato chips. It is hard to stop at just one experience. Still most people don’t realize that the endorphins raised at the prospect of illicit sex are similar to the ones produced in the brain that are like heroin.

Some people think it is okay to cheat if they are nicer to the person they are betraying at home. They will buy them jewelry and all kinds of things. In fact that is how my friend found out her new husband was cheating. He kept buying her all kinds of stuff including jewels and that kitchen appliance she always wanted. He wasn’t that doting before they got married so she go suspicious.

Some people apparently are quite nihilistic about fidelity in general. They figure everybody cheats and that it is only a matter of time before their partner cheats on them so they do it first.

Some people are also not accountable for their actions and simply think that they are not making a choice when they are cheating. To them it is not a decision. Instead they figure that fate did it.

Another thing that cheaters tell themselves is that nobody will be angry with them because everyone has a little moment of human weakness. They diminish the moral responsibility to their partner by thinking in their minds that everybody does it.

An older cheater may use the excuse of a mid life crisis. Some people feel that they need to sow more wild oats. Usually this really means they are bored with their current relationship.

Cheating makes some people feel dangerous or sexy. It makes them feel like they are a big celebrity like Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn It makes them feel glamorous and in control. Of course they are really out of control and hurting others instead.

A lot of people think that they can keep an affair a secret. Half of the time it backfires as emotional tensions build and one partner or the other confesses to someone who is not supposed to know. Thinking it is okay because it will be kept a secret is always a big mistake. Spouses almost always have a way of just knowing. My friend had a hunch for ages that her husband was cheating. She even suspected with whom. Even though she had no proof of the situation until recently everyone thought she was jealous and crazy!

 

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Hooked and Hanging

October 21, 2007

Why oh why is it getting impossible to get what you need for the first month of classes when everyone around you is so hooked up?? I think you all know how much of a headache it can be to get on campus and have to immediately make changes to switch out of or switch into different classes. I decided a while back that if there are changes to be made, everything must be put together very carefully so that you need to make just ONE visit to the registrar, meaning just ONE long wait in line and not weeks of schedule adjustment, dropping in and out of endless lecture halls as September rolls on by.

But year after year the nightmare gets worse, and I think it has a lot to do with students (usually the freshmen of course, but there’s no limit on idiots in the student body, right? J) getting too hooked up to their iPods. The lineups are like torture sessions, and by the time you get to your turn in line, the registrar is just about on the edge of a nervous breakdown after dealing with so many attention spans dropping down to zero because of iPods, and that’s not even counting all the blackberrys and cellphones.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t ever be caught without hookups when I leave the house, like not EVER. But I always turn off my units when I get close enough to the front of the line. I mean, what good is it to create delays? But unfortunately most students don’t pay any attention to that, which is funny (but not really) because they’re only extending their own stay and ruining it for all of us too.

Like last week, I had two courses to get out of and I already had the two picked. I checked it all out online first, and the two I wanted to get into were still available. So all it was going to take was a minute or two at the registrar desk, and my fall term was more or less set. Sound easy? It sure sounded that way to me at the time. When I got into the registrar area first thing in the morning the lineup was already insane, but I expected that anyway. What I didn’t expect was the people up at the front delaying their own business with constant earphone removal and replacement, answering their ringing cells, all this on top of their clueless attitude about their class schedules. But the crazy bit about the whole thing was that I could see students closer to the front grumbling and laughing and making fun of the situation, but these were the SAME people who refused to turn off THEIR iPods when it was their turn!!

So what can I say? It’s obvious to you by now that my whole morning was shot. Forget about the polite signs asking people to be “courteous” and shut off their hookups when using a campus service. Maybe they should threaten a tear-gas attack instead, if that’s what it’s going to take to make a difference between the iPod junkies and the well-organized minority. I mean, come on, wake up, you know?

 

Dating Journal
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Learning to Forgive and Forget

October 18, 2007

If you are going to stay sane in this crazy old world and especially if you are going to continue dating then you need to learn to let go every now and then.

Although anger at times is an effective tool in dealing with difficult situations, if used too often, it loses impact. For if you are always angry, no one can tell the difference between when it is “real” and when it is just a “knee jerk” reaction. So they will tend not to take you seriously if you are always angry… compounding your frustration.

The first step in the journey toward forgiveness is the realization that anger is most often born out of ignorance.

Here is a list of ways you can be ignorant about your own anger.

· You are unaware of all the facts or are misinformed.

· You have false judgments or unrealistic expectations about the situation.

· You are really angry with yourself but are taking it out on someone else.

· The anger relates to unresolved past pain and not to what “caused” it now.

· The anger is 100% justified based upon what others

· The final step in the journey towards forgiveness is to routinely practice “better responses to anger”

Forgiveness is a form of realism. It doesn’t deny, minimize, or justify what others have done to us or the pain that we have suffered. It encourages us to look squarely at those old wounds and see them for what they are. And it allows us to see how much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not forgiving.

Forgiveness is an internal process. It can’t be forced, and it doesn’t come easy. It brings with it great feelings of wellness and freedom.

Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We no longer identify ourselves by our past injuries and injustices. We are no longer victims. We claim the right to stop hurting when we say, “I’m tired of the pain, and I want to be healed.” At that moment, forgiveness becomes a possibility-although it may take time and much hard work before we finally achieve it.

Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it does allow us to lessen and perhaps even eliminate the pain of the past. The pain from our past no longer dictates how we live in the present, and it no longer determines our future.

It also means that we no longer need resentment and anger as an excuse for our shortcomings. We don’t need them as a weapon to punish others nor as a shield to protect ourselves by keeping others away. And most importantly, we don’t need these feelings to identify who we are. We become more than merely victims of our past.

Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish those who hurt us. It is understanding that the anger and hatred that we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them. It is discovering the inner peace that becomes ours when we let go of the past and forget vengeance.

 

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