Lying to Yourself About Infidelity

I was thinking again today about the biggest lies that people tell themselves so that it is okay to cheat. This is coming to mind because one of my good friends who just got married three months ago is already dealing with a cheating spouse.

I guess that most people who cheat think they can stop after just cheating once. The problem is that cheating is like eating potato chips. It is hard to stop at just one experience. Still most people don’t realize that the endorphins raised at the prospect of illicit sex are similar to the ones produced in the brain that are like heroin.

Some people think it is okay to cheat if they are nicer to the person they are betraying at home. They will buy them jewelry and all kinds of things. In fact that is how my friend found out her new husband was cheating. He kept buying her all kinds of stuff including jewels and that kitchen appliance she always wanted. He wasn’t that doting before they got married so she go suspicious.

Some people apparently are quite nihilistic about fidelity in general. They figure everybody cheats and that it is only a matter of time before their partner cheats on them so they do it first.

Some people are also not accountable for their actions and simply think that they are not making a choice when they are cheating. To them it is not a decision. Instead they figure that fate did it.

Another thing that cheaters tell themselves is that nobody will be angry with them because everyone has a little moment of human weakness. They diminish the moral responsibility to their partner by thinking in their minds that everybody does it.

An older cheater may use the excuse of a mid life crisis. Some people feel that they need to sow more wild oats. Usually this really means they are bored with their current relationship.

Cheating makes some people feel dangerous or sexy. It makes them feel like they are a big celebrity like Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn It makes them feel glamorous and in control. Of course they are really out of control and hurting others instead.

A lot of people think that they can keep an affair a secret. Half of the time it backfires as emotional tensions build and one partner or the other confesses to someone who is not supposed to know. Thinking it is okay because it will be kept a secret is always a big mistake. Spouses almost always have a way of just knowing. My friend had a hunch for ages that her husband was cheating. She even suspected with whom. Even though she had no proof of the situation until recently everyone thought she was jealous and crazy!