Brit’s Actor

When I date I’ve never had too much of a problem with big egos, but my girlfriend Brit just broke up with maybe the biggest ego of all time. I only met him once, but it was the kind of thing you don’t forget and right away I asked her what her problem was, hanging onto this guy for over like five minutes, let alone the two or three months she dated him.

They met on the Net on a couples site I don’t use anymore because of a few disasters too many. Brit was talking about him for like three weeks before they actually met, going on and on about how he was an actor and she’d never dated an actor before. I kept asking what she’d seen him in, or if there was anything about him I could look up, but she said he was sketchy on the details. Still, she totally believed him and the photos he sent her did look pretty good.

Ater they got together a few times she was still excited, if also a bit confused. She liked him but she told me he never once asked her anything about herself, like, not even once on three dates. But she kept going out with him because he thought he was the hottest thing going. I think a lot of you know where this kind of thing leads, and it’s never good, is it. Or you’re really lucky if it does work out. So I met him when I hooked up with both of them at a movie. Brit was right about him being kind of hot, but he wasn’t exactly Brad Pitt, and anyway I was just concerned about the way he treated my friend, that was it. I was with an old friend (a cool guy I used to date), but he didn’t say much to us beyond introductions. After the movie we went to a bar and suddenly he opened up, but not in a good way. It was all about him, of course.

As for acting, he didn’t have much to say about his experience but he sure had a whole lot to say about his abilities! He kept saying “I’m a triple threat, I’m a triple threat!” over and over, until we finally got him to explain just what that meant, and he just about barked it out: “I can SING, I can ACT and I can DANCE!” It’s an amazing thing to have all three, but he just came off like a lot of hot air and then he became really annoyed when we started asking him about his “credits”, movies or television, that kind of thing. He told us we wouldn’t understand his “vision” anyway, so that sort of became his excuse for not admitting to us that he was either a bad actor or an unsuccessful one anyway.

Brit didn’t last too much longer with him. I don’t want to give actors a bad name or anything, but this particular one? I bet he can’t even remember Brit’s name. That’s how into himself he was. So it wouldn’t hurt to tread carefully when you date an “artist”..;)!

Signs of Unhealthy Anger

It’s minefield when it comes to dating out there. As I said in my last entry I was having difficulties with an individual who seems to think that I owe him a date and is expressing unhealthy anger at him for not going out with him.

I have actually been scared of this person a couple of times and thought I would do some more research on the signs of both of the main types of unhealthy anger – passive and aggressive anger.

Aggressive anger is the easiest type of anger for others to identify and it is usually expressed in one of the following ways.

· Being sarcastic

· Being offensive

· Not considering other people’s feelings

· Shouting

· Verbal abuse including unsolicited criticism

· Threatening gestures such as finger pointing, fist shaking

· Excessive swearing

· Wearing an attitude of defiance

· Wearing clothes that symbolize a defiant attitude

· Slamming doors

· Breaking the rules (such as the rules of the road)

· Playing loud music

· Blaming others without proof

· Destroying property

· Deliberately polluting the environment

· Preying on the weak

Passive Anger

· threatening others with physical harm

· Speaking too fast

· Driving to fast

· Reckless spending

· Showing off

· Refusing to delegate responsibility

· Being a sore loser

· Upstaging others

· Ignoring requests for help

· Cutting in line

· Shoplifting

· Planning or enacting revenge

· Unpredictable behavior

· Attacking innocent bystanders

· Inflicting harm out of the blue

· purposefully creating chaos with irrational acts and speech

· Creating confusion by being unpredictable and unreliable.

· Using alcohol and drugs to self-medicate swinging moods

Passive anger is a little trickier than aggressive anger as it is expressed in a covert way that mimics social acceptability. Here are some of the traits that identify a case of passive anger.

· Secretive behaviour

· Stockpiling resentments

· Spreading rumors that aren’t true about others

· Being sarcastic or cynical

· Giving others the silent treatment

· Muttering objections under your breath

· Avoiding eye contact

· Making anonymous complaints

· Writing poison pen letters

· Shoplifting

· Stealing

· Conning

· Manipulating such as provoking others to attack you and then acting innocent

· Being patronizing

· Talking above other people’s heads

· Provoking aggression between others and then staying in the sidelines to watch

· Emotional blackmail

· Feigning sorrow

· Pretending to be ill

· Sabotaging relationships

· Being sexually promiscuous

· Teasing others sexually

· Using a third party to convey bad news

· Withholding money or resources

· Being overly critical

· Inviting criticism on your self so you have a reason to act out passive behaviors

· Making do with second best so that you have a reason to act out passive behaviors

· Suffering but refusing help to frustrate others

· Being over familiar with others

· Setting yourself and others up for failure

· Purposefully choosing unreliable people to depend on

· Withdrawing sexual favors

· Underachieving on purpose

· Expressing anger at small petty things but ignoring the true causes to be angry

· Acting phony

· Refusing to take a position (sitting on the fence) and letting others work it out

· Objectifying other people

· Making hobbies or bad habits a priority

· Obsessing over cleanlinesses

· Being perfectionist

· Being evasive

· Refusing to help others in a crisis

Needless to say if you are dealing with anyone acting in the above days he or she would not be a good person to go out with.

Double or Nothing Dating

Okay, so me and Brit finally did something we talked about for a long time but never really had the nerve to try – double dating. Now I’m beginning to think we were right to have waited so long. I think we were waiting for the combination of the right people, the right time, the right places to go…or maybe we were just convinced it was a silly idea and wanted to put it off for as long as possible! And considering how it worked out in the end when we finally went for it, maybe we should have kept waiting all along.

We both chose guys we met online, but not the same service. I’ve talked before about Brit sticking with an online service that just brings her nightmares. Her thing, not mine, so we agreed to try our luck by different methods. Of course we both knew what each guy looked like, but neither of us had met their respective dates yet. So it was like most online dating, right? Half-blind or something. Hers was a twenty something computer guy, very shy and long on silences, mine was more of a jock about the same age. Right off the hop it didn’t look like a great combination, but of course we knew better!

We all went to a movie first, but we should have decided beforehand because when we got to the multiplex there was an immediate argument between Brit and my date over which film to go see. With a lot of theatres to choose from, this went on for a few minutes and it was tiring to say the least. I even ended up going into Starbucks with HER date to chill and wait for them to make up their minds. Great start, huh? Finally we settled on his choice all along, Shoot ‘Em Up, which was just another long boring kill-fest that guys can’t seem to get enough of. Brit shared popcorn and seemed to be getting along well with her silent date, but mine was totally into the movie from start to finish and there was no sharing or contact between us. Another great start…

So no sooner had we walked out of this lame movie than Brit and my date start bickering again, this time about which club to go to! I’d just about had it by that time and I was even ready to grab her date and run off with him somewhere, anywhere. Why not? A silent computer guy is much better for me than a loud obnoxious jock that has to get into a fight over every social decision. So what happened next?? You guessed it – the two couples went their separate ways to different club destinations! I kind of felt like the odd person out because there was absolutely no electricity between us, where on the other hand Brit and her date seemed to go much better together.

So I cut out with a headache and cut him off, one date too many for me. But Brit’s still seeing the other guy. Is it one out of two or two out of three that ain’t bad? I forget, but whatever, I guess it’s not in my favor this time.

My Creepy Crush

Sometimes the worst dating experience isn’t with a total stranger, blind date or an online guy. It can be way worse with someone you’ve known for years! At least it happened to me. It was a guy I went to high school with. I actually had a crush on him back then. He was a senior when I was a sophomore, but his locker was near mine and we checked each other out a lot. He played on the basketball team and was kind of the silent type, but maybe I’m just saying that because he was older and I didn’t get to know him that much. Anyway, he already had a girlfriend in his year, and the year after that he was gone and I lost track of him.

So, fast forward to like four or five years later and I see him when I’m at a movie with friends. He was dressed all in black and looked totally different but still hot. I should have known it was weird when he wanted me to dump my friends right away and go out for coffee with him, but I was flattered that he remembered me and so we hooked up. The story he told me was REALLY interesting at first: he left town right after high school to pursue his dream of becoming – seriously – a professional magician! At least that’s what I thought, but he got all agitated when I used that word and told me he wasn’t a magician, he was an “illusionist”. He actually got quite upset about that, and that’s when he launched into this long speech about his hero David Copperfield, how he followed him on tour for a few years to learn the magic trade (oops, sorry “illusion” trade!). But he was so passionate that at first I was really into seeing him again. He said he was living in town but was leaving soon to do his show at Universal Studios. We got together a few nights later.

So we sit down at the restaurant and right away he started asking me if I wouldn’t mind dying my hair blonde. I thought it was a joke but he pressed me a little on it and finally I started getting a little annoyed. Why ask that question on a first date? It’s like asking someone to be someone else, you know? And then, once again, he went on and on and on about Copperfield. It got kind of boring, so I asked him if maybe he could do some tricks for me, but all he did was sweep his hands in the air a lot, like a bad Criss Angel impersonation. I guess the only trick he really did was convincing me he was a cool guy at first.

I never saw him again, in person or on TV. So remember that someone you liked in high school might not be a that fun an idea a few years later.