The Jealous Ex

Boys before you decide to ask anyone out on a date can you please get rid of your jealous ex? I just had the worst experience with a man who seemed to have a stalker on his tail.

Okay first of all he lied to me. He told me he was single when in fact he was still living at home with his ex girlfriend. How did I find this out? She ran after me with a kitchen knife and threw shoes at me is how.

This is how it went down. I met this guy John at a party and he said he was a lawyer and he was single. He also told me a bit about her but I had no idea they were still living together. After meeting John for coffee a few days later we decided we would go tout to see a play that my friend was in and then take it from there.

We went to the play and then out to dinner and then I drove him home. He lives in this nice stately old house in the Art Deco part of town. We go up to his front door and he tries the key. The door opens and then it shuts right in his place. Someone inside relocks the door and won’t let him in.

Before I can ask him what I sgoing on I see this face in the window and hear a voice screaming “Get off my step and away from my man you fucking bitch.” This apparently is his ex.

WE go back to my car and get in. He tells me that she is his ex and that she has nowhere to go so she is living in the downstairs aprt of his home and he is living in the upstairs and that it is still cool for me to come. Idiot that I am I decide to give this another try.,

He knocks on the door , she opens it and she has a knife in her hand. I of course see this and high tail it down the street. This is when she starts taking off her shoes. He gets into my car and hides. The next half hour is spent watching her pound the crap out of my car as if she was an ape testing a suitcase. Of course the whole time she is screaming at him while I watch from the bushes.

Finally the police come and Little Miss Frothing at the Mouth is taken away. Needless to say I just could not have a relationship with a guy under these circumstances. He sent me email after email begging fro me to understand that he really was single but quite frankly I like myself and would rather not be stabbed to death by a kitchen knife or have my eye put out by a woman hauling shoes in my direction. Until he gets rid of that jealous stalker, there will be no bookie from me?


How Men Make You Desperate For Their Attention

Ever wonder how some men seem to make us so desperate for their attention?

Here are some tips and tricks that I stole out of a man’s book on dating for taking advantage of the fact that women are hard-wired —

1. Never ask for her phone number.

Never beg for her phone number. That is one of the principles of being powerful. Make her phone you by giving you hers. Act like you just don’t care. This also makes it seem like you are already busy dating other women.

2. Never return her phone call immediately.

Wait at least three days before you return any calls. Wait until you think she is just about to give up on you and then phone. This drives her crazy with curiosity when it comes to wondering what you could possibly be doing that is more interesting than being with her.

3. Surround yourself with as many women as possible.

When you are in a social situation try to be around as many women as possible. If you are in a bar or at a party it is crucial for you to talk to as many women as possible so other women notice.

Date gurus call this multiplying women.

One of the easiest ways to do this is to go up to a group of women and engage them all in a conversation at once. Even saying something as simple as “So what are you girls up to tonight?” can start a group conversation.

Just make sure that when the girl you are really interested in is looking your way that you are always talking to another woman.

4. Be Prince Charming.

If you have a good friend who is a woman make sure you are attentive to her as if she was your girlfriend. Take her coat for her and put your hand on the small of her back. This will make the other women wish that you were available and when they discover that you actually are they will be delighted.

5. Make her aware of the competition.

If you do end up talking to a woman at the bar it is not a bad idea to give her a little sense of healthy competition. Consider flashing your wallet and make sure there is a big picture of another woman inside.

She may be so curious she may ask who she is. If she does try to look mysterious, pained or tragic. Tell her you will tell her all about it some day and that you just can’t talk about it right now. Even better imply that talking about it might steal away the precious minutes you could be spending talking to you.

Some of these dating gurus are really outrageous. He say “If you practice these tips and techniques you will be cleverly using a woman’s hard-wired instincts, which she thinks she is using to her advantage to your own!” No wonder we are so taken advantage of.


Online Rules Redux

I know I was promising to come up with a definitive set of rules when it comes to dating online and finally here it is …

The first rule is NO PROFILE, NO DATING. If there is a big question mark or line drawing of a person where the profile photo should be then there is something wrong with the guy. Either he is hideously deformed or ugly or he does not want his mother, girlfriend, wife or kids to catch him trying to have an infidelity online. You should also beware if there is nothing written in the profile. Even if the profile consists of all jokes or lays it still tells you something about him.

The second rule is NO MARRIED MEN. If a man tells you he is about to be divorced don’t believe him. Half the time this is not true especially if he tells you he also has children. Also never fall for the line that he is not sleeping with his wife even though he is still living with her. If they are under the same roof he is not emotionally available. Ask him when the ink on his divorce papers will be dry.

NO TEENAGERS. Sometimes I think I should revise that to NO TWENTY SOMETHINGS even though I am in my twenties myself. Men my age tend to be so insecure and immature. I find if you are looking for sex or fun they are fine. But if you are looking for a committed relationship – NEVER TRUST ANYONE UNDER THIRTY. The men I have found that are most interested in settling down or who will treat you right on a date are at least thirty five.

NO LONG DISTANCE ROMANCES. God knows who is at the other end. I know my luck has not been that fantastic dating locally when you date long distance things are even riskier. Someone who you never see that often could lay his or her pants off about being married, having a girlfriend or whatever and you would never be the wiser.

MEET IN PUBLIC DURING THE DAY. Don’t make that first date a romantic one. Meet in public during the day instead and make sure it is a Dutch treat so the guy won’t feel that you “owe” him anything. Of course in theory you should never owe anyone sex just for buying you a coffee but there are men out there that thing like that. If there is chemistry then you can arrange a formal date later. This might not seem that romantic but you need to be this practical when you are looking for love online or you could make a big mistake or even put your life in danger.

Right now I am considering trying to meet more men offline, as I am not having that much success on the Internet. I have no problem getting dates but they often with very strange men.


My Creepy Crush

Sometimes the worst dating experience isn’t with a total stranger, blind date or an online guy. It can be way worse with someone you’ve known for years! At least it happened to me. It was a guy I went to high school with. I actually had a crush on him back then. He was a senior when I was a sophomore, but his locker was near mine and we checked each other out a lot. He played on the basketball team and was kind of the silent type, but maybe I’m just saying that because he was older and I didn’t get to know him that much. Anyway, he already had a girlfriend in his year, and the year after that he was gone and I lost track of him.

So, fast forward to like four or five years later and I see him when I’m at a movie with friends. He was dressed all in black and looked totally different but still hot. I should have known it was weird when he wanted me to dump my friends right away and go out for coffee with him, but I was flattered that he remembered me and so we hooked up. The story he told me was REALLY interesting at first: he left town right after high school to pursue his dream of becoming – seriously – a professional magician! At least that’s what I thought, but he got all agitated when I used that word and told me he wasn’t a magician, he was an “illusionist”. He actually got quite upset about that, and that’s when he launched into this long speech about his hero David Copperfield, how he followed him on tour for a few years to learn the magic trade (oops, sorry “illusion” trade!). But he was so passionate that at first I was really into seeing him again. He said he was living in town but was leaving soon to do his show at Universal Studios. We got together a few nights later.

So we sit down at the restaurant and right away he started asking me if I wouldn’t mind dying my hair blonde. I thought it was a joke but he pressed me a little on it and finally I started getting a little annoyed. Why ask that question on a first date? It’s like asking someone to be someone else, you know? And then, once again, he went on and on and on about Copperfield. It got kind of boring, so I asked him if maybe he could do some tricks for me, but all he did was sweep his hands in the air a lot, like a bad Criss Angel impersonation. I guess the only trick he really did was convincing me he was a cool guy at first.

I never saw him again, in person or on TV. So remember that someone you liked in high school might not be a that fun an idea a few years later.