He Was Going to Kill Himself

November 15, 2007

It’s nice to be wanted but I had no idea someone could want me so much that they wanted to kill myself. I would feel proud except he decided this after only being with me about half of an hour.

Lee was this genius computer programmer guy I met online and I did talk to him for a whole month before I decided to go out with him the day before yesterday. He was local because he only lives about an hour away. He was always talking about how wealthy he was so I was not surprised when he drove up in a big gold jaguar. However I was really aghast at his personal appearance. He was wearing very short pants, a checkered shirt and a bowling jacket. He needed a haircut and I don’t think his socks matched. He was also wearing high top running shoes, which was a little young for him considering he is supposed to be about thirty-seven.

As Lee is Chinese he wanted to take me to the best Chinese restaurant in town which is a buffet that cost him about six bucks. I was a bit surprised because he was always going on about how rich he is. However he made up for it a bit by constantly telling me how beautiful he was.

As soon as we were done drinking our Chinese tea he asked me immediately if I wanted to get married. I thought he was joking so I started laughing but this turned out to be a big mistake. I really hurt his feelings. He started screaming about how I was like all the other girls who told him he was not good enough and that laughed at him. He then started to go on about the type of man I would really want to be with which is much younger than him, stupid and of course white. Basically he was accusing me of being a racist.

When I told him that I was going to leave because I was insulted by what he was saying he then began to cry and tell me that he was going to kill himself because nobody wanted him and that I was his last chance and that I was the only person he had ever emotionally connected to etc. etc. He also kept calling himself ugly, which was definitely not true so I kept patting his hand and telling him he would be okay but he just wouldn’t listen.

I then left the restaurant and called a cab hurriedly on my cell phone. While waiting he appeared on the curb and told me to come to the car because he had a gift for me in there. I kept refusing and then he got angry.

Then to my utmost surprise he opened the back trunk and pulled out a blow up doll. While glaring at me the whole time he stuffed her into the front seat of the Jaguar. He kept yelling “You will never find anyone better than me!”

Of course I started laughing, but later I had visions of him stabbing the doll to death because he was mad at me and it was a little disquieting.

 

Dating Journal

Signs of Unhealthy Anger

October 3, 2007

It’s minefield when it comes to dating out there. As I said in my last entry I was having difficulties with an individual who seems to think that I owe him a date and is expressing unhealthy anger at him for not going out with him.

I have actually been scared of this person a couple of times and thought I would do some more research on the signs of both of the main types of unhealthy anger – passive and aggressive anger.

Aggressive anger is the easiest type of anger for others to identify and it is usually expressed in one of the following ways.

· Being sarcastic

· Being offensive

· Not considering other people’s feelings

· Shouting

· Verbal abuse including unsolicited criticism

· Threatening gestures such as finger pointing, fist shaking

· Excessive swearing

· Wearing an attitude of defiance

· Wearing clothes that symbolize a defiant attitude

· Slamming doors

· Breaking the rules (such as the rules of the road)

· Playing loud music

· Blaming others without proof

· Destroying property

· Deliberately polluting the environment

· Preying on the weak

Passive Anger

· threatening others with physical harm

· Speaking too fast

· Driving to fast

· Reckless spending

· Showing off

· Refusing to delegate responsibility

· Being a sore loser

· Upstaging others

· Ignoring requests for help

· Cutting in line

· Shoplifting

· Planning or enacting revenge

· Unpredictable behavior

· Attacking innocent bystanders

· Inflicting harm out of the blue

· purposefully creating chaos with irrational acts and speech

· Creating confusion by being unpredictable and unreliable.

· Using alcohol and drugs to self-medicate swinging moods

Passive anger is a little trickier than aggressive anger as it is expressed in a covert way that mimics social acceptability. Here are some of the traits that identify a case of passive anger.

· Secretive behaviour

· Stockpiling resentments

· Spreading rumors that aren’t true about others

· Being sarcastic or cynical

· Giving others the silent treatment

· Muttering objections under your breath

· Avoiding eye contact

· Making anonymous complaints

· Writing poison pen letters

· Shoplifting

· Stealing

· Conning

· Manipulating such as provoking others to attack you and then acting innocent

· Being patronizing

· Talking above other people’s heads

· Provoking aggression between others and then staying in the sidelines to watch

· Emotional blackmail

· Feigning sorrow

· Pretending to be ill

· Sabotaging relationships

· Being sexually promiscuous

· Teasing others sexually

· Using a third party to convey bad news

· Withholding money or resources

· Being overly critical

· Inviting criticism on your self so you have a reason to act out passive behaviors

· Making do with second best so that you have a reason to act out passive behaviors

· Suffering but refusing help to frustrate others

· Being over familiar with others

· Setting yourself and others up for failure

· Purposefully choosing unreliable people to depend on

· Withdrawing sexual favors

· Underachieving on purpose

· Expressing anger at small petty things but ignoring the true causes to be angry

· Acting phony

· Refusing to take a position (sitting on the fence) and letting others work it out

· Objectifying other people

· Making hobbies or bad habits a priority

· Obsessing over cleanlinesses

· Being perfectionist

· Being evasive

· Refusing to help others in a crisis

Needless to say if you are dealing with anyone acting in the above days he or she would not be a good person to go out with.

 

Dating Journal
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Dealing with Unhealthy Angry Types

September 30, 2007

Dealing With Unhealthy Anger

No wonder women are afraid to say no. I just dealt with another guy on the Internet who decided to blow up at me because I made the adult choice of not wanting to continue to meet him in person anymore.

Guys (and girls too) the dating world is full of rejection. Here are some keys as to how to deal with all of the rejection – It is your responsibility to handle your anger no matter how unjust the world is being to you. Even a moderate amount of expressed anger is thought to be immature and uncivilized in our society no matter how great the frustration, threat or violation that triggered it. Being calm, in control and turning the other cheek is considered to be most socially acceptable. It is also considered by many to be the right thing to do spiritually.

Unfortunately the consequence of this is usually outbursts of suppressed anger that often takes the form of violent behavior or misdirected anger. This anger that is constantly suppressed by social mores and other conditions leads to persistent negative thoughts, nightmares and even physical conditions like ulcers, headaches and high blood pressure.

Not only is managing your anger essential to maintaining your physical health it is also crucial to your mental health. Bottled up anger can be the battery that keeps a clinical depression ticking for decades. It can be the impulse behind suicide or even passive forms of suicide such as cigarette smoking, eating badly and neglecting health care.

A long-term sustenance of anger can also set up a vicious cycle of anger feeding self-hatred and feeding more anger. Anger turned inward is very self-destructive and often leads to depression. In fact one of the most common definitions of depression is “anger turned inwards.”

There are a lot of vile social consequences to living your life as a chronically angry person. Angry people tend to grow up believing that if they are hurt or abused, there are merely two options available, which are self-blame and denial of blame. This of course leads to distorted thinking and judgments.

Angry people have one major thing in common. Their personal relationships are often unhappy and seem naturally unlucky. They spend a lot of time cursing others and then are surprised when those curses come home to roost.

Another dangerous side effect of anger is that it can fuel obsessions, phobias and addictions. Obsessions and phobias arise from situations when, for some reason or another, we feel we are either losing control of ourselves or the world around us.

People can also be physically addicted to the adrenalin and brain chemicals that are produced by living in a state of anger. They will actually seek out something to get angry about so they can experience the “high” that they get from being angry. It becomes a power trip with a feeling of elation as a payoff.

As a result of their unhealthy anger, this type of depressed person may not get promotions, social invitations or the opportunity to engage in love.

 

Dating Journal
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My Creepy Crush

September 21, 2007

Sometimes the worst dating experience isn’t with a total stranger, blind date or an online guy. It can be way worse with someone you’ve known for years! At least it happened to me. It was a guy I went to high school with. I actually had a crush on him back then. He was a senior when I was a sophomore, but his locker was near mine and we checked each other out a lot. He played on the basketball team and was kind of the silent type, but maybe I’m just saying that because he was older and I didn’t get to know him that much. Anyway, he already had a girlfriend in his year, and the year after that he was gone and I lost track of him.

So, fast forward to like four or five years later and I see him when I’m at a movie with friends. He was dressed all in black and looked totally different but still hot. I should have known it was weird when he wanted me to dump my friends right away and go out for coffee with him, but I was flattered that he remembered me and so we hooked up. The story he told me was REALLY interesting at first: he left town right after high school to pursue his dream of becoming – seriously – a professional magician! At least that’s what I thought, but he got all agitated when I used that word and told me he wasn’t a magician, he was an “illusionist”. He actually got quite upset about that, and that’s when he launched into this long speech about his hero David Copperfield, how he followed him on tour for a few years to learn the magic trade (oops, sorry “illusion” trade!). But he was so passionate that at first I was really into seeing him again. He said he was living in town but was leaving soon to do his show at Universal Studios. We got together a few nights later.

So we sit down at the restaurant and right away he started asking me if I wouldn’t mind dying my hair blonde. I thought it was a joke but he pressed me a little on it and finally I started getting a little annoyed. Why ask that question on a first date? It’s like asking someone to be someone else, you know? And then, once again, he went on and on and on about Copperfield. It got kind of boring, so I asked him if maybe he could do some tricks for me, but all he did was sweep his hands in the air a lot, like a bad Criss Angel impersonation. I guess the only trick he really did was convincing me he was a cool guy at first.

I never saw him again, in person or on TV. So remember that someone you liked in high school might not be a that fun an idea a few years later.

 

Dating Journal
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