Affirmations for Losers

August 31, 2007

This friend of mine sent me this book and I am horrified. It was written by some guy from San Diego and it is sold online as Absolute Power Dating. The guy who authors it is just like the guy that weird dating coach Tom Cruise plays in Magnolia.

It is all about how to get laid without having a relationship. He is like the Dr. Phil of Creeps. He tells men that the thing to do is do the opposite of what they have been doing all along and be mean to women. That way you don’t end up all pussy whipped.

Of course this is not good news for girls who like me who want to have relationships. The funny part of the book is that he tells them to look in the mirror and say the most hilarious affirmations to themselves such as “I’m not the center of the universe! I am the Universe.” This is because he seems to think that women are attracted to men who are really egotistical. I have to admit this is partly true but not completely. Women are more attracted to men who are confident rather than men who are so egostistical that “I am the Universe!” is the positive affirmation. I want to tell him, hey – have fun with our Universe. This planet is finding some other cosmos to spin around in.

Also there is something kind of creepy about men that spend hours looking in the mirror and saying things like “Every woman thinks I am fascinating!” or “Even if I made a lot of money I wouldn’t spend it on a woman.” Other affirmations from this book include “Women hit on me constantly, even when they are with their boyfriends.” OUCH. Somebody is suffering from a case of really low esteem.

Other gems in the affirmations for losers collection include “I have no downside.”, “I only date super-models.”, “Women are obsessed with me.” , “I don’t call women.”, “Women call me all the time.”, “I’m so amusing I should charge admission!”, “Women will stand in line to have a chance to talk with me.” And my favorite “Every woman in here is staring at me.” (I suspect for the wrong reasons at this point.

In this book the author says that the reason the affirmations have to be so grand is because most men are coming from a place of deficit in the first place. He also says that these affirmations have to be spoken every day for twenty-one days to be effective. It makes one wonder. What happens if you miss a day? Does it, ahem, get all limp again? Do you have to start all over again from day one and repeat the 21 days. Or can you just continue and add on the missing day of affirmations.

I am thinking of developing my own affirmations that have everything to do with staying away from men who are so insecure that they have to tell themselves stuff like this every day in the mirror.

 

Dating Journal
, , , , , ,

The Name Caller

August 28, 2007

Okay I have been having more fun than usual going out with my girlfriends. We’ve been taking trips down to Miami and drinking. I’ve checked out some of the nicer hotels and clubs.

The problem was the other night we kind of got asked to leave a big Miami establishment that was a little bit too classy for us. It seems that my girlfriend had one too many Singapore Slings and decided to insult the bartender. Big mistake. We got bounced right out of there like a rubber ball.

Outside we ran into a guy who seems to have also been thrown out of the club. That should have been my first clue that he was a bit of jerk. But he was just so good looking. I also thought he might be kind of okay because it turns out that my girlfriend who got us thrown out of the club in the first place went to school with him.

We all went out for coffee and something to eat – because we had been slinging back slings and cosmopolitans since four p.m. and then when it was time to leave I grabbed him by the arm and said, “Don’t go. I haven’t had my way with you yet.

That got his attention so we exchanged telephone numbers.

After waiting the obligatory few days that men wait before they call you he called and I agreed to meet him at this really great Miami hotel restaurant that has great food. Then El Cheapo took me across the street to the nastiest, cheapest Italian restaurant you have ever seen. I swear they poured a can of tomato soup on pasta and called it pasta. The wine we had tasted like it could peel the finish of off a wood table.

During the dinner he just kept telling me how he hadn’t been able to get a job in four years and what a bitch his last girlfriend was. This is a real turn off for me so I decided not to go out with him again.

When he called to arrange a new date, I told him I wasn’t interested. He then called me a name and demanded an explanation. I hung up on him.

What ensued was unbelievable. He called again to tell me what he thought of me. He called every fifteen minutes to tell me what he thought of me. It started off not too bad with names like shallow, snobby and ignorant and progressed to whore, slut and cocktease.

When he called to demand back the money he paid for the meal at three in the morning I decided to call the police.

The police then gave him a visit and had a little talk with him. It’s been about a week and I haven’t heard from him again.

Moral of the story: Never go out with someone you meet after you have been thrown out of a bar.

 

Dating Journal
, , , , ,

Are Organic Hair Products for Real?

August 25, 2007

I am getting a little disappointed with the beauty industry again. Did you know that the word organic is practically meaningless? Just because an organic hair product is labeled as so doesn’t mean that it is an actual organic product. In fact the word organic is an adjective that is very misrepresented on all kinds of products.

Ever wonder why Clairol Herbal Essences sells you an “Organic Herbal Experience” rather than a label that say Organic Shampoo? It is because it is not an organic shampoo. Containing a few herbs is not enough. Every single company selling organic hair products on the market today including Lush, Aveda, Avalon and the Body Shop is marketing things falsely as organic. This is part of catering to the all-natural trend in hair care, which started with labeling products as “natural” when they aren’t as all. In fact the phrase “natural” is practically meaningless nowadays

Maybe you have heard of that organic cosmetic line called Nature’s Gate. Nature’s Gate uses such chemical compounds as olefin sulfonate and cocamidopropul, betain and sudsing and foaming agents in its line of Organics shampoos. Avalon Natural Products brand shower gels, shave creams and shampoos contain petroleum.

A lot of people are very upset about this type of mislabeling and believe that states and provinces in North America should do what California has done and pass a law that says the ingredients must be more than 70% organic for it to be allowed to label itself as so. I want the real thing, not just an experience that mimics it.

The reason it is taking so long for this type of legislation to go through is because legislators and manufactuers cannot arrive at a mutually agreeable definition of what organic is. For instance you might think that you are using an organic conditioner if you grab an avocado out of your refrigerator and mash it up and apply it to your hair. Contrary to popular belief this is not an organic hair product unless the avocado comes from an organic farm and has been certified as organic by the Food and Drug Administration. You are simply using a vegetable to wash your hair.

Yet another source of debate is the use of hydrosols in organic hair products. Many hair products say that they contain essential oils when really it is just water collected after the steaming of herbs. Also there is some question over whether or not a flower or essential oil can be called organic if it is not made on an organic farm.

Products that are truly organic are easily identified just through using them. For instance, a truly organic shampoo will not create lather as it lacks the chemicals and foaming agents that are put into most organic hair products that are marketed today. Organic hair products will also not smell very strong. This is because most organic hair products on the market today also have added scents that are not necessarily derived from any kind of wild or natural source.

 

Dating Journal
, , , , ,

Sweet Talkers Online

August 18, 2007

Probably the most dangerous kind of relationship is the Sweet Talker that you meet online. My friend Karin just had a terrible experience with one of these. He promised her the moon and the stars and then just disappeared.

When Karin first met this guy online she thought he was everything that she would ever want in a man. The main thing she liked about him is that he encouraged her to open up to her. With him she felt comfortable enough to talk about her past. It turns out that during all of these candid confessional sessions about her past that he was just information gathering. At least that is my theory. I think he was garnering the info he needed to manipulate her so he could get off on hurting her later.

I watched this relationship progress and I have even sat beside Karin on the computer and related to him while he joked with her, showed concern and made all kinds of promises to make her happy. His main promise was to not break her heart the way all of the others did. He promised not to be like all of the rest.

Karin talked to Alexander (that was his name) every day for almost three months. He was her touchstone, her reason for living and the person that gave her a reason to wake up in the morning. Then one day when she yahooed him – he just didn’t respond.

At first we thought it was a technical glitch but this silence went on and on. After about eight days she gave in and called his home long distance. All she kept getting was the answering machine. Then about a week later she found out that he had removed her from his Yahoo list and blocked her name.

In a panic Karin got on a plane and went to his home. She was convinced that she had to find out what exactly it was that she did to make him change his mind about her so fast. She took all of the responsibility for how he was treating her and blamed herself.

When she arrived at his apartment she rang and rang his bell until he answered the door. He wouldn’t even let her in. He had no explanation. He had no reason for his behavior. He just told her to go away. He tells her to leave her alone and that it is over.

All I have to say after this is watch out for the Sweet Talkers. They could be setting you up for a big fall. My friend Karin can’t believe what happened. One minute he was talking about having marriage and kids with her and the next he was going “to what do I owe the pleasure of your acquaintance.” Even worse she spent a big whack of money trying to find out what was wrong only to be treated like a common stalker. She has been going around for days with a broken heart. She is also deeply embarrassed because by default, this Sweet Talker has made her into liar. How could someone who seemed to be so great, turn out to be such a creep? So be careful of that sweet talker online.

 

Dating Journal
,