I’ve Been Thinking About Men and Women …

June 3, 2007

I’ve been doing some thinking about the double standards and ironies that have to do with the way males and females see each other and put them into statements.

Here is the first statement – When a woman says no she is a cocktease.

There is a lot of truth to that one as most women know. Heck you can’t even put on makeup without being accused of that. However a tranny can put on tons of makeup and not have any problem at all.

When a man says no he has a fear of commitment.

Actually in my experience this is what hysterical women who can’t take rejection say. I think it is a bunch of b.s. to say a man has a fear of commitment. Maybe he has fear of being committed to an insane asylum after being driven crazy by some obsessed woman.

Men never make passes at women who wear glasses.

Writer Dorothy Parker made up this phrase a thousand years ago. Maybe if she looks like ugly Betty but I don’t think women have this problem anymore. I think women are more likely to pass on men who wear glasses nowadays.

The more you call the more he or she will be convinced that you care and that you are the one.

I guess I know a lot of obsessed people and to tell you the truth I don’t really know why people think that calling someone all of the time is going to make them like you more. All they are really going to think is that you are a big pest.

Men are sexually attracted to women who make a nice dinner.

Hmmm. Although this doesn’t hurt it is more likely that men are sexually attracted to women who give great oral sex. The dinner thing is just icing on the cake. Which leads me to the next big misconception –

Women just love oral sex. Ummm…not really. Watching too much porn leads a lot of men to believe this but really it is just yucky and bad for us in every way.

Here is another big myth – A straight woman can convince a gay male that he is not gay. I don’t know how many of my girl friends have fallen for this one. Let’s just say it is a project that always ends up in disaster.

If you are sexually attracted to someone then everyone else must be attracted too!

This misconception which is often adopted by the members of both sexes is crazy and causes more jealousy and competitive behavior than anything. The truth is that just because you like someone does not mean everybody else does too. To think this is a complete delusion! This also causes people to act in haste and ask people out before they are ready, phone complete strangers to check up on what they are doing at all hours of the night and accuse personally innocent friends of trying to steal your man!

 

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Oh No, He Doesn’t Do No!

May 25, 2007

Okay I am still stewing because I am not being left alone by a guy even though we only had one first date about a month ago. It turns out that he was a guy that “doesn’t do no.” You know what I am talking about – the guy whose Daddy told him never to take NO for answer or he is an inferior male or the Guy who spent hours studying the Secret (boy that book sucks) and now thinks that when people say no to him that it is somehow the failure of soul.

I went out on just one little old date with this one guy and it you would think that I have ruined his entire life or something. It was only one single dinner, (if that is what you call Pizza Palace) and afterwards I emailed him and said I just wasn’t interested and thanks I had a nice time. I handled it this way to be polite as a mutual friend set us up and I was trying to nip in the bud before I had a drama on my hands.

Of course the minute Mr. Never Say No got my email he got affronted and shot back an email asking me why. Never one to mince words I sent him back a more detailed accounting of my reasons including the phrase “I am not attracted and I don’t think we are compatible.” I only did this to be honest as we met through a matchmaking friend and I really think it was a fair to say we didn’t click. Isn’t rejection part of dating sometimes?

Well he has been acting the obsessed clown in that Seinfeld episode where Elaine gets stalked ever since. He keeps emailing me and phoning and leaving messages about knowing why and where he went wrong. He’s talking like we have been married for fifty years and like I suddenly decided to blindside him with a divorce.

Well, it has been over a months and the mutual is still approaching me and saying things like, “Do know what you did to Sean? He is really hurt.” I really don’t understand. I am also starting to feel a lot like a product that was sold to someone and then didn’t live up to its guarantee of having sex with him or something.

The really ironic thing is that he is also accusing me, of all things – LYING to him. It’s not like I told him I loved him on the first date or anything. If anything he is lying to himself by making so much of so little.

Isn’t the first thing you kind of learn in kindergarten that when someone says, “No, I don’t want to play with you.” – that you respect it. You don’t make the person play with you! However that is exactly what these two are doing – trying to make me play when I don’t want to! EW!

I am really wondering when all of this is finally going to end. I guess that

some people just can’t take no for an answer.

 

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Smell You Later Genius!

May 22, 2007

I was set up to see a play with a budding new author by some well-meaning friends. This is because I have a degree in English and my friends thank that I have trouble finding a man that I think is smart enough for me.

I had heard a lot about this guy be — how smart he was, how good looking, how he had two Ph.D.s, one in English and one in Math. He also has a column in a local paper where he writes about all the trivia in life – mostly observational humor. His biggest claim to fame is supposed to being published on the Alternet but I couldn’t find his byline there.

I also heard about how he won last year’s Marathon run for breast cancer, how he designed an award winning web site, how he owned two

Homes (one each cottage) and a cottage, and how even found time in his busy schedule to read for the blind.

Well, after hearing his sexy, well-spoken voice on the phone I agreed to meet him at the lobby of the theatre. When I first saw him I could not believe my good fortune – he was tall, blonde and handsome. He also had a body to die for. He also had this whole “charisma” thing going – like one of those vampire cowboy types. He was dressed casually but expensively and loved the fact that he was not slathered with tattoos like so many of the guys I meet here in Florida.

However, once we were seated together in the theater, I noticed this incredible body odor coming from him. Seriously he smelled worse than a skunk. And that was just his body odor. When he opened his mouth to speak, the stench was even worse. I kept thinking, “What could be caught in anyone’s teeth that could possibly smell like that?”

The stench was so unbelievable that I took out my pocket-handkerchief and kept holding it to my nose, just to breathe. I couldn’t even concentrate on what was being said in the play as his fumes were almost like tear gas. To make things worse he kept leaning over to say things to me, like witty guys do. I kept pretending to blow my nose as if I had allergies so I wouldn’t accidentally inhale his breath. I it was toxic.

Afterwards he suggested that we go out for coffee, but I insisted we sit on a patio so I could at least get a bit of air. He drove me home, and I was thinking, “this is a shame, I should like him, this is going to be a brilliant famous man. What’s a little body odor?”

However he leaned over to try and kiss me I just couldn’t take it. He pursed his lips and I just left him there with closed eyes and pursed lips, looking like a goldfish while I ran in my house and locked the door. Of course, he never called me again, which was a big relief!

 

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Can You Meet A Good Man Online?

May 19, 2007

Is the super-information highway still the road to nowhere when it comes to finding a life partner? Like most people, I used to think that the love-lorn who spent their long lonely hours hanging around in chat rooms, looking at message boards and peeling through thousands of so-called love matches on web personals were … well… losers.

Only really desperate, ugly people who were perhaps also emotionally sick would have to resort to using a computer to find the love of their life. And if you did find someone, he or she couldn’t possibly be serious … they must married, lonely or perhaps even a stalker.

In the past year, however, I have had to revise my opinion somewhat, lest I offend one of my best friends, who both have found husbands as a result of surfing the Internet. Also it seems lately, that everybody knows somebody who has found a marriage partner by resorting to, what still seems to me, to be a drastic and also somewhat risky measure. I couldn’t find any statistics anywhere about these relatively new phenomena, about how many people are finding true love

this way or how long the marriages last, but at this point, I have to believe my own eyes.

Maybe the Internet is not such a bad matchmaker.

I was shocked when my friend Darlene, a 26 year old psychiatric nurse who works nights shifts in a local mental hospital, called me up this year to tell me that she had gotten married to a French Canadian guy she met on the web.

How did that happen? Darlene told me after fifteen years of working night shifts and meeting only really crazy people on her job she realized she was never going out. It was really hard to meet guys during the day. Plus she felt the old biological clock ticking and felt like she had to do something efficient to meet a male.

She swears they are in love and that when they did meet it was love at first sight. However I had to wonder what her strict and religious father thought about it all.

Darlene had to admit to me that she had quaint a bit of trouble getting her parents and some of her friends to accept that this online relationship is real.

I too was a bit suspicious of the guy, although why it seems unreasonable in retrospect to have been any more suspicious of him than anyone else. Still I kept thinking he was some kind of cad until I met him and realized that he did truly care for Darlene and that this was a relationship that was going to work. Not only was she pregnant and beaming but she had an expensive wedding ring on her left finger, her own new car and a brand new home on the beach in Fort Lauderdale. She can now also go to cottage north of Hull, Quebec.

Maybe I will stop trying to meet men in bars and get online more often.

 

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