My Marine Nightmare

September 18, 2007

I always thought I was pretty smart when judging men but it seems like I am on here every couple of days writing about some jerk. I guess you can never be too careful no matter how heroic someone seems at first.

Anyway I went to Disney with some friends and there I met a marine who also lives in Miami. I met him in those most romantic way…riding the same roller coaster. I know they say that marines have a lady in every port but this one was so nice. He looked like a “momma’s boy.” Really, fresh clean and innocent looking.

We had some French fries together at Disney world and exchanged numbers. Back in Miami he called and we talked on the phone for about two weeks before we actually linked up. Finally after he spent two hours flirting with me on the phone I decided to give him a chance despite everything I had heard about marines and their womanizing ways.

We went to a great little Italian restaurant in town and spent hours petting each other’s hands and gazing into each eyes over really good wine and tiramisu. I was smitten. Also he was so well built like marines can be. We talked all night until the place closed.

Walking hand in hand on the boardwalk I suggest that we go to his place but he says that he can’t have me over because the condo is being painted. Even though I realize this is a red flag I went ahead and invited him over to my place. As we were necking on my couch I felt something vibrate in his pocket. It was his cell phone. That cell phone vibrated against my thigh about eight more times before I asked him to get it. My theory is that if someone is calling you that much he means they have a girlfriend or it is an emergency.

He kept insisting it wasn’t an emergency and for the first time I saw beyond my own lust and that he was just another predator. Probably a two timing predator at this. When I accused him of having a girlfriend he blushed and denied it and that was it. I was so embarrassed I had to ask him to leave. For a minute I thought he was not going to leave and suddenly I was very afraid of that tall muscular toned physique that I was so attracted to in the first place.

Thankfully he left without giving me too much grief. He was a marine after all and if things had got physical I would not have stood a chance. What a waste of time!

Sometimes human nature makes me so sad. This guy was just like that joke – Why does a dog lick its balls. Because it can. He had no real interest in me whatsoever.

As I am the eternal optimist I gamely await my next existential romp through the dating world!

 

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The Best Date Treatments At Day Spas

September 3, 2007

I really like preparing for a date at a day spa. There are a lot of great ones in Miami where I live one. The thing is –do you know what beauty are worth the money and which ones should you choose if you have never been to any type of day spa before? Well talk to me I have had every day spa treatment in the world

One of the most popular and worthwhile services offered at many day spas is the therapeutic massage. This is a massage, sometimes done with essential oils or specialty creams in which a masseuse manually manipulates your skin and muscles. This calms my nerves and I find also stimulates the skin by bringing blood circulation to the surface.

Yet another practical and effective service is the facial which can involve a number of practices including analysis of the skin, exfoliation deep cleansing, massage, infrared therapy toning, moisturizing and the removal of black heads. You can also get similar treatments at day spas for the entire body.

These body treatments are basically facials for the whole body that also include exfoliation, toning, heath therapy, moisturizing and massage. One of the most au-courant body treatments is a salt glow or body scrub, an exfoliating treatment where the therapist rubs off the outermost layer of dead skin cells and that stimulates the skin so the circulation is brought to the surface. This gives your whole body a healthy, fresh glow.

Another specialty treatment offered by many day spas is the body wrap. Basically there are two types of body wraps – the detoxifying wrap and the hydrating wrap. Algae, mud, fruit and seaweed are used in detoxifying wraps. Hydrating body wraps consist of such ingredients as shea butter, cocoa butter, avocado and other types of rich creams or oils. Many day spas also add vitamins, flower petals and even chocolate to their wraps to make them more beneficial and pleasant to experience.

Another common offering at day spas is the manicure or pedicures along with foot and leg massages. These massages can be done with aromatherapy. However you can also get these types of services done more cheaply at a hair salon.

Before you go for some of the more exotic services that are offered by day spas such as hot stone therapy, Thai Massage or iridology (looking at the irises of the eyes to diagnose health conditions) you might want to try some of the basic services described above to make sure that it is a quality day spa.

Quality day spas will be ones that come highly recommended by your friends and local magazines. They are also usually located in high-end areas of town. Some of the very best day spas are located inside hotel chains. Also like most things that can be purchased in life, treatments at day spas tend to be better if they are more expensive. This is because the expensive day spas hire better-qualified staff and use more expensive ingredients in their potions.

 

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The Name Caller

August 28, 2007

Okay I have been having more fun than usual going out with my girlfriends. We’ve been taking trips down to Miami and drinking. I’ve checked out some of the nicer hotels and clubs.

The problem was the other night we kind of got asked to leave a big Miami establishment that was a little bit too classy for us. It seems that my girlfriend had one too many Singapore Slings and decided to insult the bartender. Big mistake. We got bounced right out of there like a rubber ball.

Outside we ran into a guy who seems to have also been thrown out of the club. That should have been my first clue that he was a bit of jerk. But he was just so good looking. I also thought he might be kind of okay because it turns out that my girlfriend who got us thrown out of the club in the first place went to school with him.

We all went out for coffee and something to eat – because we had been slinging back slings and cosmopolitans since four p.m. and then when it was time to leave I grabbed him by the arm and said, “Don’t go. I haven’t had my way with you yet.

That got his attention so we exchanged telephone numbers.

After waiting the obligatory few days that men wait before they call you he called and I agreed to meet him at this really great Miami hotel restaurant that has great food. Then El Cheapo took me across the street to the nastiest, cheapest Italian restaurant you have ever seen. I swear they poured a can of tomato soup on pasta and called it pasta. The wine we had tasted like it could peel the finish of off a wood table.

During the dinner he just kept telling me how he hadn’t been able to get a job in four years and what a bitch his last girlfriend was. This is a real turn off for me so I decided not to go out with him again.

When he called to arrange a new date, I told him I wasn’t interested. He then called me a name and demanded an explanation. I hung up on him.

What ensued was unbelievable. He called again to tell me what he thought of me. He called every fifteen minutes to tell me what he thought of me. It started off not too bad with names like shallow, snobby and ignorant and progressed to whore, slut and cocktease.

When he called to demand back the money he paid for the meal at three in the morning I decided to call the police.

The police then gave him a visit and had a little talk with him. It’s been about a week and I haven’t heard from him again.

Moral of the story: Never go out with someone you meet after you have been thrown out of a bar.

 

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Mr. I Forgot My Pin Number

July 23, 2007

Sorry I haven’t been writing for a couple of days but I decided to just soak up some rays on the beach and relax. However while at one of the hotels in Miami I met this really handsome actor/ waiter. I kept going for Monitors to the same bar again and again hoping to be asked out on a date.

Finally it happens. He calls and he talks to me on the phone. He gives great phone! I am charmed. He shows up at my door. He looks gorgeous, clean and I like the expensive car I see pulled up in the driveway.

He takes to me to the Hard Rock Café in Miami and both of us have a ball listening to the music and people watching both the tourists and famous people alike. He told me this was one of his favorite places, as he loves studying human behavior (like most actors do

I really was optimistic as we did spend a lot of time making googly eyes at each other and our hands and legs would lightly touch each other now and then. We had a bottle of expensive wine, raw oysters, a great pasta with rose sauce and then after all that was done we split a giant fudge sundae. Everything was going great and I loved the way he seemed to be prolonging the date by ordering a succession of after dinner liquors to go with his coffee.

After our last Grand Marnier and gazing into each other’s lovesick eyes, the bill for all of this came. He put a debit card in the tray and the waiter looked at him wryly and said, “I’m sorry we only take credit cards here.” He then looked very startled and blurted out “I’m sorry! I don’t have a credit card and I only brought cash with me!”

He then emptied his pockets of everything and came up with what I could see was about three five-dollar bills and a b it of coin. This was not going to cover our seventy-dollar plus restaurant bill.

After witnessing this our waiter then suggested that he go to the bank machine which was located conveniently just outside the restaurant lobby. However he just kept looking at me and saying “I don’t have any cash on me.” Like he expected me to pay the bill.

Finally I asked him – “Why don’t you just go to the bank machine?” and he gave me puppy dog pleading type eyes and simply stated, “I forgot my PIN number. My wallet was stolen and they gave me a new one and I forgot the number that they had issued me.”

After I paid the bill we went out on the street and he asked if I would like to go for more drinks. I just had to say forget it because I really don’t think the woman should be paying for anything especially if he asks her out on a date. Needless to say his number is no longer on my speed dial!

 

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