Hard Wired Instincts

December 26, 2007

You have probably heard again and again how men have hard wired instincts, how they are like alpha dogs and they only want one thing – sex!

Men don’t know it but women’s self help books on attraction, dating and hooking a man are filled with descriptions of us as being helpless victims of our instincts. Men’s hard-wired instincts are more famous. Every woman knows they have to be trained and disciplined like dogs or else we will attempt to have sex with anything that moves. It might be true but you don’t have to let yourself be manipulated because of it. If a man had his way he would have sex with as many women as without having to marry a single one of them.

Oh I am sure that when some find the right woman he will marry her but that opportunity doesn’t seem to naturally present it self that often. In the meantime many men are quite happy to play the field and date as many women as often as they want and as often as they please. As a woman I am not going to argue too much with this even though I hate it because what can I do about it? Men act like dogs and it is futile for me to fight that.

So how are some men able to do this even though they are uglier than sin? How are some of these men able to convince hundreds of women that I am the best thing since James Bond with a martini in a hot tub?

It is important to realize that women have hardwired instincts too – urges that they can’t seem to help. One of them is that woman want what other women want. Notice how no woman wants a guy that is not already somehow “taken.” This is the woman’s hard-wired instinct at work.

There is some really hard research to back up this theory. Long ago when we were cave people many women simply died in childbirth. Wild beasts while on the hunt would also eat males. The only way to keep mankind thriving was for a male to have multiple partners.

Have you ever wondered why the woman who has an unfaithful partner just seems to want him more and more? Watch women who have been dumped by men – they will obsess over just one guy and even ignore perfectly nice guys who approach them while savoring the memory of this one jerk who has betrayed them again and again.

So why do women do this? Why do they love the bastard and treat the nice guy like a piece of gum on the bottom of their stiletto shoe.

It is because women are hard wired to see the unfaithful male as the strongest male in the human herd. Sad but true. Just keeping this one principle in mind – woman want what other woman — can go a long way towards helping you feed the most God awful of men the delusion that you are the greatest thing since George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas all rolled up into one.

 

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Learning to Forgive and Forget

October 18, 2007

If you are going to stay sane in this crazy old world and especially if you are going to continue dating then you need to learn to let go every now and then.

Although anger at times is an effective tool in dealing with difficult situations, if used too often, it loses impact. For if you are always angry, no one can tell the difference between when it is “real” and when it is just a “knee jerk” reaction. So they will tend not to take you seriously if you are always angry… compounding your frustration.

The first step in the journey toward forgiveness is the realization that anger is most often born out of ignorance.

Here is a list of ways you can be ignorant about your own anger.

· You are unaware of all the facts or are misinformed.

· You have false judgments or unrealistic expectations about the situation.

· You are really angry with yourself but are taking it out on someone else.

· The anger relates to unresolved past pain and not to what “caused” it now.

· The anger is 100% justified based upon what others

· The final step in the journey towards forgiveness is to routinely practice “better responses to anger”

Forgiveness is a form of realism. It doesn’t deny, minimize, or justify what others have done to us or the pain that we have suffered. It encourages us to look squarely at those old wounds and see them for what they are. And it allows us to see how much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not forgiving.

Forgiveness is an internal process. It can’t be forced, and it doesn’t come easy. It brings with it great feelings of wellness and freedom.

Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We no longer identify ourselves by our past injuries and injustices. We are no longer victims. We claim the right to stop hurting when we say, “I’m tired of the pain, and I want to be healed.” At that moment, forgiveness becomes a possibility-although it may take time and much hard work before we finally achieve it.

Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it does allow us to lessen and perhaps even eliminate the pain of the past. The pain from our past no longer dictates how we live in the present, and it no longer determines our future.

It also means that we no longer need resentment and anger as an excuse for our shortcomings. We don’t need them as a weapon to punish others nor as a shield to protect ourselves by keeping others away. And most importantly, we don’t need these feelings to identify who we are. We become more than merely victims of our past.

Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish those who hurt us. It is understanding that the anger and hatred that we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them. It is discovering the inner peace that becomes ours when we let go of the past and forget vengeance.

 

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Chocolate Surprise!

August 13, 2007

I just have to share this story, which happened to my friend Barbara Jane. She is single and in her twenties like me and her boss thought that her neighbour’s single son would make a great blind date for her. After all he was in University studying to be a dentist and was apparently just living in his mother’s basement still so he could save on intuition.

So on the urging of her boss, who meant so well, she meets this guy for an hour and a half lunch date. When she laid eyes on him she couldn’t believe her good fortune. He was good looking, witty, well dressed and seemed to have a great sense of humor. She immediately said yes when he offered to take her out on a date the next day that just happened to be Valentine’s Day.

The next day he shows up at her door and rings the bell. He is dressed up in a designer to die for suit and looks just like one of those handsome men in Details magazine. Furthermore he is holding out a dozen red roses, which are meant just for her.

My girlfriend Barbara Jane takes the flowers and just as she says she must put them in water he tells her to wait as there are even more presents for her. He then bends over and starts placing two more prettily wrapped boxes inside her front hall.

As there are so many presents she invites him, all the time saying “Oh you shouldn’t have!” and really meaning it to because it was a bit of Valentine’s Day overkill.

The first thing she does is uncork the bottle of champagne he has brought and pour them both a glass. She then opens the first present, which contains a nice pair of pink satin gloves that he says he found in a vintage store. She is really pleased about this as she did tell him that she loved these old style kid gloves the day before at lunch.

The second present was also pretty good. It was an entire bottle of Guerlain perfume. The good stuff and not just the eau de toilette and it was packaged in a limited edition bottle.

As she went to open the third present, which was a beautiful red foil heart shaped box he said, “I hope you are not one of those women who doesn’t like to eat things.”

Inside this box is “premium exotic chocolate.” When she opens the lid to the box of chocolates she was amazed to see that the box was filled with six quite big cream filled replicas of chocolate penises.

“Have one!” he says.

She didn’t know what do say and just stared in disbelief. She said she wasn’t hungry and went through with the rest of the date but needless to say after it was over had to tell her boss that this one wasn’t quite going to work out (without going into too much detail!)

 

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Who Am I Dressing Up For?

July 3, 2007

There are two versions of me that exist. There is one version that dresses as she needs to every day and then there is another version that is supposed to be wearing all of these clothes that are hanging in my closet. Of course these clothes never get worn. They are meant to be worn by some much more glamorous version of me that appears in a magazine or that is invited to parties where people like Lindsay or Paris are present.

For instance, in my closet there is a white crochet mini dress hanging there. This thing has more holes in it than a spider web yet somehow when I bought it I thought it was the ideal thing to wear to my next party out. There are just a few things wrong with it. First of all you need to wear a slip of some sort under it and the slip that would fit under this thing just isn’t made anymore. Second of all it is white which means that if I did go out and wear it that I would most likely spill something on it right away. Thirdly it is wool and it is too hot here in summer to wear wool.

So what was I thinking when I bought this crochet monstrosity with the wooden beads hanging on a cord that suffice for a zipper on it? I was thinking somehow that I was not really me, but that I was really Sienna Miller in Alfie or Factory Girl. This was a huge mistake that cost me a lot of money.

Yet another mistake a recently made was to try and dress like Anne Hathaway in the Devil Wears Prada. I responded to watching that movie by going right out and buying a pseudo Chanel suit knock off. I also bought a Grecian style dress and silver shoes and a pair of very high waisted trousers with suspenders. Trying this stuff on in the store I thought I looked like Anna Wintour, a Greek Goddess or Diane Keaton. Once I got home I realized I looked like an asylum escapee, underdressed or an unemployed clown.

Don’t get me wrong I do have some very nice clothes in my closet that I have bought that look great on me. The problem is that I am not meeting the kind of men who will take me somewhere nice in these clothes. It is like the clothes exist to attract some man that doesn’t exist in an alternative reality.

I have some gorgeous high heels but I can’t walk on the boardwalk or along the beach in them. I can’t even dance in them if I ever did get asked to go dancing. I have some wonderful chiffon and silk dresses as well but they are just not the thing to wear when my dates want to go drinking at the nearest University pub.

So just why did I buy all these fancy clothes when it is all an illusion? I guess it is the type of illusion that gives me hope – that makes me believe I will never grow old or become divorced one day and that my own Prince Charming is coming along any minute.

 

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