My Marine Nightmare

September 18, 2007

I always thought I was pretty smart when judging men but it seems like I am on here every couple of days writing about some jerk. I guess you can never be too careful no matter how heroic someone seems at first.

Anyway I went to Disney with some friends and there I met a marine who also lives in Miami. I met him in those most romantic way…riding the same roller coaster. I know they say that marines have a lady in every port but this one was so nice. He looked like a “momma’s boy.” Really, fresh clean and innocent looking.

We had some French fries together at Disney world and exchanged numbers. Back in Miami he called and we talked on the phone for about two weeks before we actually linked up. Finally after he spent two hours flirting with me on the phone I decided to give him a chance despite everything I had heard about marines and their womanizing ways.

We went to a great little Italian restaurant in town and spent hours petting each other’s hands and gazing into each eyes over really good wine and tiramisu. I was smitten. Also he was so well built like marines can be. We talked all night until the place closed.

Walking hand in hand on the boardwalk I suggest that we go to his place but he says that he can’t have me over because the condo is being painted. Even though I realize this is a red flag I went ahead and invited him over to my place. As we were necking on my couch I felt something vibrate in his pocket. It was his cell phone. That cell phone vibrated against my thigh about eight more times before I asked him to get it. My theory is that if someone is calling you that much he means they have a girlfriend or it is an emergency.

He kept insisting it wasn’t an emergency and for the first time I saw beyond my own lust and that he was just another predator. Probably a two timing predator at this. When I accused him of having a girlfriend he blushed and denied it and that was it. I was so embarrassed I had to ask him to leave. For a minute I thought he was not going to leave and suddenly I was very afraid of that tall muscular toned physique that I was so attracted to in the first place.

Thankfully he left without giving me too much grief. He was a marine after all and if things had got physical I would not have stood a chance. What a waste of time!

Sometimes human nature makes me so sad. This guy was just like that joke – Why does a dog lick its balls. Because it can. He had no real interest in me whatsoever.

As I am the eternal optimist I gamely await my next existential romp through the dating world!

 

Dating Journal
, , ,

My Complicated Lover

September 15, 2007

Okay so I broke down and went online and posted a personal ad in a public online forum. Right away I got a response from Ted. He made me laugh so I replied. For the last ten days we have been exchanging some pretty witty and romantic emails.

He was literate, intelligent and is completing a Ph.D in psychology. I just thought I was dealing with a really nice man.

As we only live a couple of minutes from each other we began exchanging emails and agreed to meet. Of course before I agreed to meet him I checked up on his status. He assured me that he was totally single and just had some “aunties” that he checked in with now and then.

He tells me to meet him at a lobster palace by the ocean. I get there early and darn it if he doesn’t show. It is cold, raining and the place smells like wet sand and dead fish. I get fed up and leave. However first I text him and tell him I am going into town and that if he wants he can meet me in a hotel lounge bar where I am much more comfortable.

Just as I arrive at the hotel lounge he tells me that he has arrived at the seafood palace and that he is there with a bunch of friends. Haplessly he tells me that he can’t just leave his friends and that he will link up with me as soon as he can. Every half hour or so he would message me from the seafood place to tell me he was on his way. Fortunately for me I met up with some friends at the hotel bar so I did not have to be too bored.

He finally shows up at one in the morning and at first I am furious. But then I saw how good looking and kind he is in person and I just melt. We spent all night cozier up in a corner of the lounge talking and then we go to my place, make love and spend all night in each other’s arms talking some more. The next morning he even made me breakfast. I thought I was falling in love.

The next day I was really happy. We corresponded by email all week long and then on Friday when he had not made firm plans to see me again I made up a business excuse so I could go to his neighborhood. I asked if I could stay with him and repeat our romantic interlude from the previous weekend. Keep in mind here that I am not a gullible woman and that he did a pretty fine job of pretending to be interested in me.

When I ask him if I can stay with him he tells me that there are complications. When I ask what kind of complications it turns out that one of his “aunties” is staying with him. When I ask why that is a bad thing he tells me that the “auntie” is actually his ex girlfriend that he still goes out with.

Of course I had to drop him and it wasn’t easy. Now I am more than a little sad!

 

Dating Journal
, , , ,

The Name Caller

August 28, 2007

Okay I have been having more fun than usual going out with my girlfriends. We’ve been taking trips down to Miami and drinking. I’ve checked out some of the nicer hotels and clubs.

The problem was the other night we kind of got asked to leave a big Miami establishment that was a little bit too classy for us. It seems that my girlfriend had one too many Singapore Slings and decided to insult the bartender. Big mistake. We got bounced right out of there like a rubber ball.

Outside we ran into a guy who seems to have also been thrown out of the club. That should have been my first clue that he was a bit of jerk. But he was just so good looking. I also thought he might be kind of okay because it turns out that my girlfriend who got us thrown out of the club in the first place went to school with him.

We all went out for coffee and something to eat – because we had been slinging back slings and cosmopolitans since four p.m. and then when it was time to leave I grabbed him by the arm and said, “Don’t go. I haven’t had my way with you yet.

That got his attention so we exchanged telephone numbers.

After waiting the obligatory few days that men wait before they call you he called and I agreed to meet him at this really great Miami hotel restaurant that has great food. Then El Cheapo took me across the street to the nastiest, cheapest Italian restaurant you have ever seen. I swear they poured a can of tomato soup on pasta and called it pasta. The wine we had tasted like it could peel the finish of off a wood table.

During the dinner he just kept telling me how he hadn’t been able to get a job in four years and what a bitch his last girlfriend was. This is a real turn off for me so I decided not to go out with him again.

When he called to arrange a new date, I told him I wasn’t interested. He then called me a name and demanded an explanation. I hung up on him.

What ensued was unbelievable. He called again to tell me what he thought of me. He called every fifteen minutes to tell me what he thought of me. It started off not too bad with names like shallow, snobby and ignorant and progressed to whore, slut and cocktease.

When he called to demand back the money he paid for the meal at three in the morning I decided to call the police.

The police then gave him a visit and had a little talk with him. It’s been about a week and I haven’t heard from him again.

Moral of the story: Never go out with someone you meet after you have been thrown out of a bar.

 

Dating Journal
, , , , ,

Mr. Enthusiastic

August 7, 2007

Well I was pretty bored the other day, so I started surfing and caught myself a real live man right away. I agreed to meet someone that I me t through a local online chat that same day I normally check them out a little better before I agree to a date but it was a beautiful day and he wanted to take me to my very favorite seafood restaurant on the water.

Once again I lucked out! He looked very similar to his picture and he was very nicely dressed. I remember thinking as he came to the door that he seemed to be a little shy and quiet but there is nothing really wrong with that.

He also did not say much as we raced along the seashore highway in his gorgeous little Porsche. I just decided to attribute this to shyness. He told me where we were going and he complimented me once. All he said was “That dress looks good on you.”

However when it was about halfway through our dinner and he had about three scotches and was still not looking me in the eye I began to get concerned. He seemed, in fact, to be looking everywhere in the room but at me directly. Mostly his gaze seemed to land on the television sets above the bar, which were broadcasting a sports game.

Even thought the food was great and he was one of the nicest looking men I have ever been with I was starting to feel claustrophobic. He wasn’t really talking about much. He mentioned that the construction on the highway was irritating. He also said something about how he was planning to install new tiles in his condo.

The silence between him and I was deafening so I claimed that I wasn’t feeling well and that I wanted to go him. This was his cue to order another Scotch. He then asked me if I would like to go on a three day weekend with him to Las Vegas. He also told me he would take me shopping and buy me some glamorous clothes so I would look great standing next to him at the baccarat tables. He also told me that he had the feeling that I would bring him good luck.

When I said that I wasn’t interested in going to Vegas he didn’t reply. He simply continued to watch the television while he finished his drink. He then drove me home with only saying the most perfunctory of words such as “Do up your seatbelt.” He attempted to peck me on the cheek as I left the car but I dodged him.

That was one of the loneliest dates I have ever been on but part of me is wondering if it would have gone better if I had agreed to go to Las Vegas. Although I could use some sexy clothes I am sure I would have “cooled out” his luck as I am definitely not happy about being a trophy girlfriend.

 

Dating Journal
, , , ,