The Control Freak Guy

December 9, 2007

I recently went out to a party with this good friend of mind and I met this guy who suggested that we go somewhere where we could be alone to talk. I agreed and said goodbye to my friend. We went to an all night coffee shop where he did the

weirdest things.

First of all he ordered a coffee for me without even asking me if I wanted a

coffee. Actually, I don’t like to drink coffee after midnight and also I was a little bit hungry. Then the rest of the night he did nothing but talk about himself Ð about his ambitions to be a race car driver, about how he has psychic powers and also, unbelievably about how he found the waitress to be kind of attractive. Still, he charmed me, even though the littlest things he was

Doing were getting on my nerves. For instance I hated the way he kept he always rushed a few paces ahead when he was walking with me, like he didn’t really want to be seen with me when we set out for a stroll after the coffee.

All evening, he never ever asked me even one single question about myself. Still for some strange reason I found that attractive. I gave him my number and he hasn’t called. I know he is selfish, a narcissist and everything else and that our time together was more like kidnapping then a real date of any kind but I like him.

The thing that is maddening to me is that I know deep inside that if he wanted a date he should of asked fro my phone numbers or made arrangements to see me at another time.

So why do I want to see this person that lives so much in a world of fantasy? It seems like I want to be taken away from reality with him. It would be nice to be taken away from the reality of always being me even if it is for a few hours.

Even the fact that he has a wandering eye is not bothering me because it shows me he has some passion. The last few men I was in bed with showed no passion at all.

So do I phone him? All of my girlfriends say no. For one thing I will establish that he is the more powerful one by phoning him first. Also I am terrified that a woman will answer the phone. I would be devastated. When it comes to these narcissists or womanizing types I should use common sense and leave him alone. Funny how we tend to be attracted most to people who are attracted to them even if they are big jerks!

 

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Speed Dating Games

December 6, 2007

Can you really meet the man or women of your dreams after just a few minutes of casual chit-chat? That’s the premise behind speed dating.

The best way to describe speed dating is as a cross between a job interview, a blind date and a game of musical chairs. Participants get three to eight minutes, depending on where you are playing the game and to meet scores of different potential partners. With speed dating you can meet as many as twenty-five people (in one session.

The idea get to meet a number of strangers within the safety of a friendly and merry environment that is policed by the organizers. At the end of the night you can ask a partner for a date, but a date only takes place if the other person is agreed.

You are advised to turn down speed dating events that are too publicly advertised or take place in a bar that is known for its wild antics. Often, with this type of heavily promoted speed dating venture, you run the risk of having an audience gawk at you while you meet potential partners.

Always check out the venue before you attend an event to make sure that you are not part of a public spectacle. Speed dating that is held at a church or community venue is probably your safest bet when it comes to privacy, tact and anonymity.

Speed dating probably best suits busy careerists who would benefit from meeting as many people as they can within a short period of time. Speed dating suits health professionals and individuals who work off-hours, such as waitresses, shift-workers, and health professionals. It’s good for those who always find themselves working the traditional date nights such as Friday and Saturday night.

Speed dating also benefits those who are looking for a more serious relationship, as it is understood that these functions are for individuals who are looking for a long-term connection. If you are sick of the immaturity or addictions that come hand-in-hand with people you meet in bars and clubs then this might be a more efficient way to meet someone who is not intent on wasting your time with their emotional problems.

I am not so sure this mating sport is for me. It is a bit stiff. Still it sounds fun and like a great way to save time. The problem with blind dates and personals is that they do not satisfy a very crucial requirement needed in order for two people to hit it off and see each other again: physical attraction and chemistry. Speed dating allows you to meet in person and see if the two of you actually click. You are not required to waste the time that you would meeting someone on a blind date. On a blind date, many squander hours of time being courteous to an individual they would rather just get away from.

 

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Lying to Yourself About Infidelity

December 3, 2007

I was thinking again today about the biggest lies that people tell themselves so that it is okay to cheat. This is coming to mind because one of my good friends who just got married three months ago is already dealing with a cheating spouse.

I guess that most people who cheat think they can stop after just cheating once. The problem is that cheating is like eating potato chips. It is hard to stop at just one experience. Still most people don’t realize that the endorphins raised at the prospect of illicit sex are similar to the ones produced in the brain that are like heroin.

Some people think it is okay to cheat if they are nicer to the person they are betraying at home. They will buy them jewelry and all kinds of things. In fact that is how my friend found out her new husband was cheating. He kept buying her all kinds of stuff including jewels and that kitchen appliance she always wanted. He wasn’t that doting before they got married so she go suspicious.

Some people apparently are quite nihilistic about fidelity in general. They figure everybody cheats and that it is only a matter of time before their partner cheats on them so they do it first.

Some people are also not accountable for their actions and simply think that they are not making a choice when they are cheating. To them it is not a decision. Instead they figure that fate did it.

Another thing that cheaters tell themselves is that nobody will be angry with them because everyone has a little moment of human weakness. They diminish the moral responsibility to their partner by thinking in their minds that everybody does it.

An older cheater may use the excuse of a mid life crisis. Some people feel that they need to sow more wild oats. Usually this really means they are bored with their current relationship.

Cheating makes some people feel dangerous or sexy. It makes them feel like they are a big celebrity like Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn It makes them feel glamorous and in control. Of course they are really out of control and hurting others instead.

A lot of people think that they can keep an affair a secret. Half of the time it backfires as emotional tensions build and one partner or the other confesses to someone who is not supposed to know. Thinking it is okay because it will be kept a secret is always a big mistake. Spouses almost always have a way of just knowing. My friend had a hunch for ages that her husband was cheating. She even suspected with whom. Even though she had no proof of the situation until recently everyone thought she was jealous and crazy!

 

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Is It Time for a Dating Service?

November 30, 2007

I have gotten really busy again and am courting the idea of a dating service. Not too many single people have the time or energy to hang out at the libraries,laundromats or clubs where the old fashioned etiquette books have always advised us to go to meet the love of our lives. Perhaps that’s why more people than ever are using dating and introduction services.

Using one of these services eliminates the bother of dealing with the modern inconvenience of recovering from a hangover after a long night of waiting around all night in a smoky bar hoping to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Also, using an introduction service is much safer for women. Your best bet is to find a hands-on matchmaking service that screens their male candidates and checks their background for such things as marital status, financial solvency and criminality. Using an introduction service is also much safer than meeting someone through a free dating service on the Internet. Your chances of meeting a jerk through there are just as high as if you had gone into a sleazy bar, as anyone can lie about their history when they submit their personality profiles on-line.

According to a study called Dating and the Internet by Ian Nethercott, more and more of us are becoming disillusioned with such societal ills as alcoholism and infidelity and during the nineties turned to more and more to our computers to find a mate. The failure of the Internet to produce anything but even more illusions about love has renewed singles’ interest in old-fashioned match-making services. I used to think that using an introduction service was an

outrageous idea, that is, until my best friend from high school met her husband.

If you think this is too off-the-wall for you, think about how dating is done in Japan, where men currently pay 20.00 to put their personality profile and phone numbers into a vending machine called The Happy Guy and the women pay $2.00 to retrieve them. Also, in Japan, they are selling a gadget that is worn

around single people’s neck. If the two of you are in the same room, the gadgets beep and communicate with each other to identify your eligibility.

I keep thinking that I might try one of these one day soon. I don’t have a lot of money being younger and all but I was heartened to hear through the grapevine that many of them are free for women. However the ones that usually get people a real mate tend to make both sexes pay through the nose for their services. If you want to believe what these services have to say about themselves paying the extra money is worth it because their success rate is higher.

 

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