Don’t Let the Losers Get You Down

June 18, 2008

Whenever something bad happens to you; whether it is work related or relationship related do you spend the next few hours weeks or months beating yourself up about it? This is one way to make rejection form men way too important.

If a reject is work, social or relationship related; do you spend the next few hours, days, weeks, months (or a lifetime) beating yourself up about it? I have good news! You can stop being this way right now.

How?

Simple. Choose not to react in your old habitual ways. Stop your automatic tendency to make it all about you. It is not about you.

No one is holding a gun to your head. You can make the choice to NOT let bad things affect you and essentially give up this self-defeating behavior.

I know this will come as a complete surprise to some of you. I know it did for me. Look at your negative responses and how you continue to dwell on them and I think you’ll be shocked to learn that this serves no real purpose. Once you realize

this, then you can begin to reverse the process.

A guy friend recently told me a story that illustrates this point perfectly:

He walked up to a girl in a group and said,

“I saw you staring at me (she actually wasn’t) so

I thought I’d come over and introduce myself.”

She blew him off immediately. So, without missing

a beat, he turned to one of her friends and said,

“How are YOU doin?”

She says,

“Great”.

They talk for a minute, he takes her over to a couch and they start making out. A few minutes later, the girl who blew him off comes over, sits down and wants to have a group kiss…then they ask him to leave with them.

This is because women always want what other women want. I can tell you this is true because I have gone out with some real jerks and nobody has ever even looked twice at them until they have appeared on my arm. This is true of guys who are not good looking, guys with a lousy job and guys who stammer and stutter.

When you suffer from events that are beyond your control, it makes your suffering much worse if you regard yourself as a victim. Since most of your emotional experiences are the direct result of how you interpret and personalize the events in your own lives, the important factor is the skill with

Which you handle your own response. It’s your own choice how you respond.

The key is to revise your attitude to blame things more on the situation rather than take the entire rap yourself. Give yourself a break. You can’t help it if one guy is an arrogant jerk, the next one a sex addict and the one after that a non-committing type. Don’t make a drama out of each and every dating disaster and you will be much better off.

Try it and let me know what happens!

 

Dating Journal
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He’s Not Ready For the Altar

April 22, 2008

I have a friend name Richard who is single and just wants to take it slow and get to know a person well before he has sex with them or considered marriage. Lately he tells me he is really overwhelmed by all the women he meets that want to have sex right away.

Richard has been doing the online dating thing for many months and he is trying to be cautious. He usually just asks them out for coffee or to hang out with him and his buddies and play pool. According to him that low key and friendly approach is having women perceive him as a family man. It might be because he is not that hot about having sex right away.

Women who get too close too soon and do things like mentally outfit them for the baby carrier and the wedding tux turn off men. Richard says this gets so bad that women try to drag him into domestic supply stores like Babies R US, Ikea and the Pottery Barn to see if he is husband material. He has also been taken into department stores where he has been subtly directed into the wedding gown sections (where one girl actually made him try to pick out bridesmaid dresses with him) and past the jeweler counter where the engagement rings are kept.

Richard’s message to women nowadays would be to “Relax Ladies. It’s called DATING. A man will let you know if he wants to marry you. He goes, buys a ring, gets down on his knees (well sometimes), asks you and then puts a ring on your finger. Before that day happens we are not to assume anything (according to Richard.)

It is not something that you can convince a guy to do no matter how rich your daddy is. Richard really made me laugh with some of his comments especially when he started singing – “You can’t hurry love, you just have to wait.” He is also quite fond of walking around spouting that fresher cliché “What is wrong with you. He is just not that into you!”

Richard is also sick of seeing dating profiles that are way too predictable online. They all look like they have been scooped out of the same Dating for Dummies book. He said that he is sick of reading about how a woman loves long walks, swimming and going to the movies. He is also sick of the “I can go from hiking boots to high heels in a flash” or “I am as comfortable in velvet as I am in denim.” He is also sick of women writing how they like to play pool with the boys only to find out that they can’t play at all. Still, I did point out that when the woman can’t play it gives him an ideal opportunity to put his arm around her.

So is Richard looking for a marriage partner? Yes he is he just has not found the right girl online yet.

 

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Getting Over Fear of Dating

January 3, 2008

Some women really fear dating. This is easy to get over. First of stop defining yourself by men who don’t matter to you anymore unless it has been constructive criticism from licensed therapists

You’ve got to be aware of your internal dialogue; you know that little voice in your head that speaks all the time? It’s probably happening right now. As you’re reading this, you have other things going on in your head. It could be related to dating or something totally different.

Your inner critic is controlling most of your interactions. Let’s be clear…YOU are not. That inner voice is flowing all the time and it’s going to throw negative thoughts at you; it’s going to try to derail you and remind you about all of the reasons that you won’t be successful with men. It is the eternal battle of the subconscious mind against the rational mind. The most civilized of beings know how to quell these self-critical thoughts.

The first step is realizing that it exists and getting control of it. Refuse to let it control your success with men. It is simply time to forget what other people think if you want to get ahead on the dating scene.

Based on your past failures, your inner voice could be telling you anyone of the following things:

This kind of thing never happens to you —

· Men don’t respond to you

· You’re not funny

· You’re not confident

· You’re not good looking

· You don’t have anything to offer

You are too fat

You are a dumb blonde/wear glasses

You are too thin

· You’re not interesting

· You’re not dressed cool enough

· Your hair looks bad

· You’re going to run out of things to say

He will be more attracted to your friends than you

It’s telling you every reason why you won’t be successful. It’s also warning you about the possible negative outcomes such embarrassment and rejecting:

When you get nervous, you fall back on behavior that feels comfortable to you. Your defense mechanism kicks in and you start manifesting the wrong events.

You are spending a lot of energy on behavior that isn’t getting you what you want that you have none left for later when you have an actual opportunity.

Your father, your best friend who had an unrequited crush from you and your ex all have a secret agenda to hurt your feelings as they all are motivated by a desire to prevent other women from spending time in your company. If you are defining yourself by negative criticism from a man who is out of our life it is time to let it go.

 

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How Men Make You Desperate For Their Attention

January 1, 2008

Ever wonder how some men seem to make us so desperate for their attention?

Here are some tips and tricks that I stole out of a man’s book on dating for taking advantage of the fact that women are hard-wired —

1. Never ask for her phone number.

Never beg for her phone number. That is one of the principles of being powerful. Make her phone you by giving you hers. Act like you just don’t care. This also makes it seem like you are already busy dating other women.

2. Never return her phone call immediately.

Wait at least three days before you return any calls. Wait until you think she is just about to give up on you and then phone. This drives her crazy with curiosity when it comes to wondering what you could possibly be doing that is more interesting than being with her.

3. Surround yourself with as many women as possible.

When you are in a social situation try to be around as many women as possible. If you are in a bar or at a party it is crucial for you to talk to as many women as possible so other women notice.

Date gurus call this multiplying women.

One of the easiest ways to do this is to go up to a group of women and engage them all in a conversation at once. Even saying something as simple as “So what are you girls up to tonight?” can start a group conversation.

Just make sure that when the girl you are really interested in is looking your way that you are always talking to another woman.

4. Be Prince Charming.

If you have a good friend who is a woman make sure you are attentive to her as if she was your girlfriend. Take her coat for her and put your hand on the small of her back. This will make the other women wish that you were available and when they discover that you actually are they will be delighted.

5. Make her aware of the competition.

If you do end up talking to a woman at the bar it is not a bad idea to give her a little sense of healthy competition. Consider flashing your wallet and make sure there is a big picture of another woman inside.

She may be so curious she may ask who she is. If she does try to look mysterious, pained or tragic. Tell her you will tell her all about it some day and that you just can’t talk about it right now. Even better imply that talking about it might steal away the precious minutes you could be spending talking to you.

Some of these dating gurus are really outrageous. He say “If you practice these tips and techniques you will be cleverly using a woman’s hard-wired instincts, which she thinks she is using to her advantage to your own!” No wonder we are so taken advantage of.

 

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